Life. A piece of cake?

I don't know what I want to do with my life. There; I said it. It scares me... terrifies me... that I just do not have clue. I could tell you the romantic notions that I occasionally entertain, but none of these are realities. At least, not how I'd like them to be. That isn't pessimism, but realism. If we all lived with our heads in the clouds, we'd be too busy bumping into one another than to actually live life! And I suppose that is what it is all about... living life... We have certain ideas... whether they be society's, your family's or just yours... we all have ideas of what a life should be. What ingredients are needed to, excuse the corny metaphor, bake the perfect cake that is your life on a plate. But, as Marie Antoinette said, we can't have our cake and eat it too.

I beg to differ. Well, Marie Antoinette did; what she actually said was 'let them have cake'. Which I suppose leads me neatly to my next point. There are two types of people... those who aim to make their lives in a way that is as good for them as possible, and those who see the improvement of other people's lives as more important than their own. Those who work for money, and those who work for meaning. I would like to be the latter... but, just like many of humanity, I suffer the overindulgent greed that somewhat sours the idea of little rewards for great efforts. But maybe I am being hard on myself. Like I said; I just don't know.

Maybe I will never know; does that matter? Well to me, yes! If I were to spend my life aimlessly wandering, searching for direction and cause... I would miss it! And I would give nothing to the world. But maybe I am asking these questions too soon. What is too soon... and how will I ever know? There are so many questions, no answers, and I am now just writing words for the sake of writing them. So is that what I should do in life... live it for the sake of living? Plod along whatever paths seem obvious, question little and worry not? Well that's just not in my nature. I am unashamedly inquisitive. That's not true.. I am not unashamedly so.

Ultimately, this whole thing is a farce. I feel so darned apathetic to everything right this second, that I couldn't care less about any of it. In fact, the things at the top of my list at the moment are that I can't feel my tongue (bonjela), and annoyance with OpenOffice, as it doesn't automatically capitalise 'I' (important right this second, as the use of 'I' is very frequent in all of this... see next sentence...). I guess that makes me a very lucky person, and I do appreciate that, and perhaps I should be less flippant about it all.

As I said, I just don't know...