Probably something I should've blogged about last Thursday, but better late than never!!! Yes, that's right... my exams are finished! Yay! The last couple were, shall we say, less than nice, but it doesn't matter... or at least it won't until August! The freedom that I now feel is astounding! Such a huge relief! The last almost-a-week has been spent drinking Pimm's, at Klute, at Planet, watching films, in the metrocentre with Katie and her cousin, Kirsty, and generally being lazy and loving it. I did go to a Seminar yesterday though... so no complaining about my lack of work! Also, I'm working this Saturday... boo!
Oh well.
All in all, I am very well and enjoying this, albeit cold, start to the Summer. That said, I dont want the term to end, and everyone to go home again! The holidays are just waaaay too long!!!
And Finalists!!! I'm not ready to be one of them...
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
What really matters?
Is it you... is it the things you feel, the things you do, the lives you affect? Should we concentrate on what is central to us, what affects us?
How can we, when everything seems so trivial in relation to the world? Whatever problems we have, they will never compare to what somebody else is suffering. Does this mean our problems are not important? But they are just as sorely felt. So what does this leave us with? Still the same old problems, and how they make you feel, along with guilt, as you are just not as appreciative as you should be. Not as thankful, not as hopeful, not as happy.
But then, everything pales into significance when you take other things into account. Other, greater things. But you can't feel guilt over these things... well you can, and you do, and you may even appreciate... but you can never redeem these things.
So we are left with what?
A neverending guilt that we aren't ever quite as happy as life should allow us to be? We don't appreciate the things we have, nor do we help those who don't have these things enough. We don't do enough, we don't thank enough, and we pity ourselves just far too much.
But do we?
How can we?
How can we help what we feel? How can we change it?
Time... understanding...? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe acceptance. I don't know.
I don't know what to concentrate on, because I can't work out... what really matters?
How can we, when everything seems so trivial in relation to the world? Whatever problems we have, they will never compare to what somebody else is suffering. Does this mean our problems are not important? But they are just as sorely felt. So what does this leave us with? Still the same old problems, and how they make you feel, along with guilt, as you are just not as appreciative as you should be. Not as thankful, not as hopeful, not as happy.
But then, everything pales into significance when you take other things into account. Other, greater things. But you can't feel guilt over these things... well you can, and you do, and you may even appreciate... but you can never redeem these things.
So we are left with what?
A neverending guilt that we aren't ever quite as happy as life should allow us to be? We don't appreciate the things we have, nor do we help those who don't have these things enough. We don't do enough, we don't thank enough, and we pity ourselves just far too much.
But do we?
How can we?
How can we help what we feel? How can we change it?
Time... understanding...? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe acceptance. I don't know.
I don't know what to concentrate on, because I can't work out... what really matters?
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Halfway Point
Over halfway through! Hooray! A week into exams, and my last post seems like decades ago. It has been a stressful, strenuous week, with lots of work and ocasional respite in Classic fm. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and there is an end in sight... yay! And after that, nothingness, pure and unadulterated bliss in that utter nothingness.
Good luck all in your coming exams! xxx
Good luck all in your coming exams! xxx
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Exams...
...start tomorrow. Does ANYone feel prepared!? I'm feeling so terrified to the point that I am oversleeping till 10.45, then messing around online, just so I dont have to think about them! Argh! Denial, denial, denial...
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Just Remember...
- People will always surprise you.
- Life will sometimes amaze you.
- Other times it will bore you.
- You will shock yourself.
- For this reason, you will never quite know yourself.
- But we all like surprises every so often...
- You don't have to look very far to find something to inspire you
- Even less far to see something that makes you smile
- Contemplation is good, but don't take it too seriously.
- Fun is not illegal (well... not most types...)
- Life is bigger than a momentary set back.
- Momentary set backs can help you grow.
- Don't ever stop growing, learning, changing.
- Don't always take the easy road... it may be smoother, but the view won't be so great.
- Don't fear what's around the corner... revel in the surprise.
- People will always surprise you.
There. Bad blog, but I can't be bothered to make it flow. Therefore, bulletpoints! Love, xxx
Monday, May 07, 2007
On Life
The ups, the downs. The highs, the lows. The to and fros. From smiling to crying, whilst what, how and why-ing. Life. A never-ending confusion of questions, and changes and moments. Moving ones, awe-inspiring ones, life changing ones... and downright dull ones. Big things and small things. I suppose short things and tall things (to keep with the rhyming...). We are constantly changing, the world is constantly spinning... and sometimes we get dizzy. Need to sit down and just catch up with ourselves.
When I was a child, my brother and I used to stand in the garden and spin and spin until when we stopped, the world continued to spin before our eyes. We thought it meant we could see the Earth spinning. Wrong as that was, we enjoyed that spin. We enjoyed a speedy pace of life, when friendships and interests and fads came with as much ease, and as great a moving on rate as the wind. The air was never stagnant, and the constant moving on of life was thrilling.
As I have got older, I sometimes find myself overwhelmed with the changes. With the speedy pace of life. Sure enough, a lot of aspects of life have slowed, and sometimes, yes, the air does get stagnant and it is all I can do to stop myself from standing up and spinning again. To try and get it to move on. But mostly I am just terrified, and excited, by the speed at which we move into each and every stage in life. Only yesterday I was that 8 year old spinning in her garden. Now I am 20, nearly 2/3 of my way through University, and about to face the prospect of living in the real world. I won't be able to crawl into a book, a film, a diary or an MSN conversation for hours, days, weeks at a time. I will have to choose my life, and live it! This is not a bad thing... but it is a daunting one! And of course, we can change our lives right up until the moment we die... but as I said, the older we become, the harder it is to jump from one thing to another... changing horses midstream, so to speak.
Then we must hold on to what is constant. But what is constant? Our beliefs? No... they develop, they are questioned, they grow. Our selves? They change too. Then what? I don't know. Ultimately, it is important just not to get caught up in the whirlwind, let your life fly by with options and choices and fear of change. Rather, live it. It will challenge you. It will hurt you. But it will do so much more than that.
Hate life or love life, we all have to live life.
When I was a child, my brother and I used to stand in the garden and spin and spin until when we stopped, the world continued to spin before our eyes. We thought it meant we could see the Earth spinning. Wrong as that was, we enjoyed that spin. We enjoyed a speedy pace of life, when friendships and interests and fads came with as much ease, and as great a moving on rate as the wind. The air was never stagnant, and the constant moving on of life was thrilling.
As I have got older, I sometimes find myself overwhelmed with the changes. With the speedy pace of life. Sure enough, a lot of aspects of life have slowed, and sometimes, yes, the air does get stagnant and it is all I can do to stop myself from standing up and spinning again. To try and get it to move on. But mostly I am just terrified, and excited, by the speed at which we move into each and every stage in life. Only yesterday I was that 8 year old spinning in her garden. Now I am 20, nearly 2/3 of my way through University, and about to face the prospect of living in the real world. I won't be able to crawl into a book, a film, a diary or an MSN conversation for hours, days, weeks at a time. I will have to choose my life, and live it! This is not a bad thing... but it is a daunting one! And of course, we can change our lives right up until the moment we die... but as I said, the older we become, the harder it is to jump from one thing to another... changing horses midstream, so to speak.
Then we must hold on to what is constant. But what is constant? Our beliefs? No... they develop, they are questioned, they grow. Our selves? They change too. Then what? I don't know. Ultimately, it is important just not to get caught up in the whirlwind, let your life fly by with options and choices and fear of change. Rather, live it. It will challenge you. It will hurt you. But it will do so much more than that.
Hate life or love life, we all have to live life.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Of Things BIG And small...
I find it interesting that so very often, it is not the big things in life that will make you stop and think. It is not the big things that change your mind. It is the little things that make you cry, make you wonder, make you 'redefine your outlook'. It is the straw that broke the camel's back.
Why? Okay, maybe its a seemingly obvious explanation... as any mathmetician, I am sure, would agree if you add up enough small numbers you will eventually get to a significantly larger one. Similarly in life, a series of small events, thoughts or conversations (depending on the example) will ultimately, though not always, granted, join together to cause the greater effect.
I suppose if you keep adding up each and every component, you will eventually get something that is vaguely 'you'-shaped. Or that resembles a picture of your life. Perhaps it is a pointless excercise to try and break everything down into smaller, itty-bitty fragments until you are left with a puzzle you can't put back together. Or maybe we are forever trying to put together a puzzle that is undone when we come into this world.
Again, I don't know. Perhaps, I should let life be as it is, stop wondering about it, or merely pondering aloud in a ramble-some fashion, and just get on with it! Anyway, at the end of all that I have two more things to say. Firstly, I need to stop this overuse of certain words ('anyway', 'ultimately', 'exciting' etc.) Secondly, a question:
Is life what we make of it?
Is this all?
Goodnight, xxx
Why? Okay, maybe its a seemingly obvious explanation... as any mathmetician, I am sure, would agree if you add up enough small numbers you will eventually get to a significantly larger one. Similarly in life, a series of small events, thoughts or conversations (depending on the example) will ultimately, though not always, granted, join together to cause the greater effect.
I suppose if you keep adding up each and every component, you will eventually get something that is vaguely 'you'-shaped. Or that resembles a picture of your life. Perhaps it is a pointless excercise to try and break everything down into smaller, itty-bitty fragments until you are left with a puzzle you can't put back together. Or maybe we are forever trying to put together a puzzle that is undone when we come into this world.
Again, I don't know. Perhaps, I should let life be as it is, stop wondering about it, or merely pondering aloud in a ramble-some fashion, and just get on with it! Anyway, at the end of all that I have two more things to say. Firstly, I need to stop this overuse of certain words ('anyway', 'ultimately', 'exciting' etc.) Secondly, a question:
Is life what we make of it?
Is this all?
Goodnight, xxx
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
A-Whoooo Arrrrre A-Youuuuuu?
Surely this is a question most of us will ask of ourselves at some point in our lives? Surely it is one that many will ask on a regular basis...
It is a topic that has come up in conversation quite a few times, with regard to whether one can ever really, trully know oneself, or another... My stance has generally been that (at least at this time in my life, when so many lives are being lived: Home, School, Uni, Work... different worlds within worlds) I am not sure who I am...
I know the 'me' that lives in my head, and generally thinks too much and is a little bit lazy. I know the 'me' at home, amongst my family. I know the 'me' with Uni friends, and I know the 'me' with school friends. However, these people do not always coincide... not because I am ever being fake at any point, pretending or putting on a show... but simply because, and I am sure many of you will have to admit that you do this too, we do act differently according to the people we are with. So what is the relevance of this? Well, if you are all these different people, albeit with some definite similarities, how do you decide who the real 'you' is? Is this a concept we can really uphold, or is it a pointless, self-indulgent task we carry out to try and form some glorified image of ourselves as decent, generous, moral, intelligent, kind, unselfish human beings?
Ultimately, I think we all have an image of the person we would like to be... a list of attributes we would like people to name in their descriptions of us (funny, kind, intelligent, generous, deep, sensitive... etc etc, you know the drill). However, and not to be pessimistic here, I am sure we will all agree that none of us really fit that picture. Maybe we shouldn't ever... we must always strive to be a better person than the one we are right now.
Anyway, back to the 'who-are-you' issue. How would you describe yourself... by rather external, or physical attributes such as 'Psychology student at Durham, female, brown hair, home town in Devon, works at Tchibo etc...' or more mentalistic attributes such as 'caring, intelligent, thoughtful... etc'? Maybe a mixture of the two? What is it that really makes you you? There are probably about 200 female psychology students in Durham with brown hair AT LEAST. Some of them may well come from Devon. Whilst I know none of them work at Tchibo, I know that 4 other people do. So this cannot suffice in a description of me... but then the same goes for the other attributes.
Maybe it is a combination of the two? Or maybe it is just something that will never be expressable in words? Maybe it just really does not matter.
The last one though, I think I will say just isn't true, at least for many people- why do you think Psychology is such a lucrative business to get in to? Why have so many people gone on some mission to 'find themselves'....? I just don't think they need to go all the way to India. Rather, take a good look in the mirror, have a good think about your life, your beliefs and your values, and go and talk to a good friend. Ultimately... the looks? They constantly change... so can't sum you up. Your friends? Hopefully you will be luck enough that they don't change all that often, but the relationships you have with them will, and their view of you will develop over time as you do. As will your personal view of yourself.
We are not born complete. We grow... throughout our lives. When our bodies stop getting taller at 18, we... and whatever it is that makes us, us... continues to develop. Our experiences shape the people we become, we learn things, we assimilate. If we are lucky enough to know some extraordinary people, they too may shape who we become. Maybe you are lucky enough to know an ordinary person, who will have an extraordinary impact on your life... No, scrap that... everyone we deal with will ultimately have some bearing on who you are. Some people more so than others, that is all...
So what can I conclude from this? Everything and nothing. It's basically a load of drivel, which means nothing, dressed up to sound a bit pretty. But at the same time, it has given me opportunity to think, appreciate and I suppose accept. We must take the good with the bad, learn from it all, and hopefully come out the other end as better people. Appreciate all those who are in your life because no matter who they are, what they are or how old they are, I guarantee you they will be able to teach you something in life. But most importantly, we must accept the person that we are, see the flaws, but also see the plus points. The striving for something greater in oneself doesn't mean you began as a failure- it just means that you are human.
It is a topic that has come up in conversation quite a few times, with regard to whether one can ever really, trully know oneself, or another... My stance has generally been that (at least at this time in my life, when so many lives are being lived: Home, School, Uni, Work... different worlds within worlds) I am not sure who I am...
I know the 'me' that lives in my head, and generally thinks too much and is a little bit lazy. I know the 'me' at home, amongst my family. I know the 'me' with Uni friends, and I know the 'me' with school friends. However, these people do not always coincide... not because I am ever being fake at any point, pretending or putting on a show... but simply because, and I am sure many of you will have to admit that you do this too, we do act differently according to the people we are with. So what is the relevance of this? Well, if you are all these different people, albeit with some definite similarities, how do you decide who the real 'you' is? Is this a concept we can really uphold, or is it a pointless, self-indulgent task we carry out to try and form some glorified image of ourselves as decent, generous, moral, intelligent, kind, unselfish human beings?
Ultimately, I think we all have an image of the person we would like to be... a list of attributes we would like people to name in their descriptions of us (funny, kind, intelligent, generous, deep, sensitive... etc etc, you know the drill). However, and not to be pessimistic here, I am sure we will all agree that none of us really fit that picture. Maybe we shouldn't ever... we must always strive to be a better person than the one we are right now.
Anyway, back to the 'who-are-you' issue. How would you describe yourself... by rather external, or physical attributes such as 'Psychology student at Durham, female, brown hair, home town in Devon, works at Tchibo etc...' or more mentalistic attributes such as 'caring, intelligent, thoughtful... etc'? Maybe a mixture of the two? What is it that really makes you you? There are probably about 200 female psychology students in Durham with brown hair AT LEAST. Some of them may well come from Devon. Whilst I know none of them work at Tchibo, I know that 4 other people do. So this cannot suffice in a description of me... but then the same goes for the other attributes.
Maybe it is a combination of the two? Or maybe it is just something that will never be expressable in words? Maybe it just really does not matter.
The last one though, I think I will say just isn't true, at least for many people- why do you think Psychology is such a lucrative business to get in to? Why have so many people gone on some mission to 'find themselves'....? I just don't think they need to go all the way to India. Rather, take a good look in the mirror, have a good think about your life, your beliefs and your values, and go and talk to a good friend. Ultimately... the looks? They constantly change... so can't sum you up. Your friends? Hopefully you will be luck enough that they don't change all that often, but the relationships you have with them will, and their view of you will develop over time as you do. As will your personal view of yourself.
We are not born complete. We grow... throughout our lives. When our bodies stop getting taller at 18, we... and whatever it is that makes us, us... continues to develop. Our experiences shape the people we become, we learn things, we assimilate. If we are lucky enough to know some extraordinary people, they too may shape who we become. Maybe you are lucky enough to know an ordinary person, who will have an extraordinary impact on your life... No, scrap that... everyone we deal with will ultimately have some bearing on who you are. Some people more so than others, that is all...
So what can I conclude from this? Everything and nothing. It's basically a load of drivel, which means nothing, dressed up to sound a bit pretty. But at the same time, it has given me opportunity to think, appreciate and I suppose accept. We must take the good with the bad, learn from it all, and hopefully come out the other end as better people. Appreciate all those who are in your life because no matter who they are, what they are or how old they are, I guarantee you they will be able to teach you something in life. But most importantly, we must accept the person that we are, see the flaws, but also see the plus points. The striving for something greater in oneself doesn't mean you began as a failure- it just means that you are human.
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