Tidy Room

I am here, on my bed, gazing at the marvel that is a clean room. Freshly hoovered, cleared, sorted and generally dealt with. It's a wonderful sight, and a brilliant feeling. This said... it took me all of 40 minutes to do. I wish the arrangement of self could be so speedily completed. I'm in a very strange mood tonight... and cannot decide whether life and thoughts etc are very complex, or really very simple. I can't decide whether I'm feeling content, anxious, excited, nostalgic or what... I just don't know. I'm not despairing, I'm in a pretty good mood. But equally, I confuse myself! I would like to be able to order my mind in the way that I did my room... to hoover up the dust, throw out the rubbish and arrange the various scraps of paper, on which are scrawled all the pieces that make up my life. A quandry indeed, but on the other hand, I sometimes feel that I should stop questioning, accept it for what it is and 'carry on regardless'. I don't know if any of these sentences actually flow together, but if they don't it's just an example of the broken nature of a thought... of a life, really.

But anyway

enough of the rubbish! I'm starting to get cold (I'm on the bed, not in it), and my elbows are hurting (I'm leaning on them), and I am tired... so I shall say goodnight, with a question...

Are we complex... or are we actually very simple? Should we continue to question?

I guess one way that you could look at it is, if I never tidied my room, eventually I would a) not be able to open the door, b) not be able to find anything and c) very likely be plagued by insects and rodents. Not a pleasant thought...

Snow

Ok, so I know I was very drunk last night, and that maybe my reaction was partly due to that, but... as I was walking home at about 2am after a lovely night, my feet a little worse for wear, it began to snow. Really heavily. It had already snowed a little earlier in the night, and the roads, pavements, grass, houses, cars and trees were all covered. As was I, increasingly. Thanks to my alcohol coat, I didn't feel the cold, but I was touched by just how astoundingly beautiful snow is. At that time of night, the roads were empty, and the world was silent... all there was was me walking up the hill, and the snow, falling gently covering all the marks that we have left upon the world. Maybe this is why I think snow is so wonderful... it acts like a big blanket that hides all the ugliness that humanity has produced in order to 'get around, and get along'. Or maybe, it is just simply that it is beautiful... soft and slow. I don't know. I sound a little stupid now, I'm sure, but nevermind. It was a moment that caught me, and I guess I just wanted to reiterate what has already been put in other blogs... just remember to occasionally stop, and look around. Don't get too caught up in life, to forget the world in which you are living. That it has beauty beyond any which we could create. It is simple and it is wonderful, and it should be appreciated.

xxx

World's worst blog

So I thought I better update my blog, as I haven't in a little while. That said, I don't really think I have much to say. Thus, I apologise for the possible (and likely) ensuing, illegible ramble...

What have I been up to the last week or so? Not much? A lot... I don't know... went to Planet on Friday which was, as always, fun. Ummm... went to the quiz last night which was also fun, and we got 40/60.. not bad...

Wow, I am feeling really uninspired. Which is odd, because I don't really feel that way, I just can't put it down in (virtual) paper..

I'll go now. Sorry bout that!

Well its been a while since my last post, and so much has happened, I can't even remember it all! And that has nothing (well, little) to do with my alcohol consumption... so what has happened...

Well Henry came to visit on Wednesday... ye-eah! It all started with world's hardest pub quiz (over-exaggeration, ok) and some wine... then was formal on Thursday... Burns night! Yay! So much fun, so good, though too much wine and loss of campus card/debit card/rail card and £10. Which wasn't so good. But overall a brilliant night!

Then last night was Planet of Sound, for which Henry and I were joined by Ellie and Tim (Price). Another very good night, though a combination of tequila slammers and vodka jelly.... not so good. Very drunken, but loads of fun. We spend pretty much the whole time on Trance, and it was an amazing set, given by guest DJ Graham Gold. Anyway, so good night... with maybe exception of digital cameras and errrr... yeah. No, great night. Loving the curly fries! Hehehehe.

I'm sure lots more has happened in the last two weeks, but I can't even remember! x

14 January 2007

Exactly a week since my last post, I believe, and lots has happened! First, last Thursday, Emma, Tim and Taj moved back into Crossview Terrace. Yay! Since then has ensued a great few days of eating together, drinking waaaaay too much wine and watching films etc. Good fun, and great to have people back. Katie, Alex and Oli arrived back today- Yaaaaay! This is really pointless of me to write this, given that everyone who reads this (if anyone), is one of those mentioned above.

But anyway, the whole point of this is puuuuurely to procrastinate... I have a summative due on Friday, so of course I am spending my time not doing it. It's the right thing to do...

Anyway, I know that when I started writing this a few hours ago, I had a point and possibly even something to say... but since then I have been to the Duke of Welly and I've forgotten. And Katie and Emma are playing Ms Pacman, and its far more interesting! Even so, just is nice to have everyone back, and am looking forward to the new term, the new year and so on!

Maybe not so many 5 bottles of wine nights... x

Momofuku Ando

As a student, I have come to appreciate the power of the Pot Noodle. The Supernoodle. The Tesco Value instant chicken noodles, only 8p a pack. In fact, I would be willing to bet that instant noodles are a valued part of most Students' lives. Lets face it, we live on them, have lived on them, or will live on them at some point. And we generally love them. Therefore, I would like to take a moment just to appreciate them, and the man who invented them, Mr Momofuku Ando (cool name), who died today in Japan, aged 96. Mr Ando, we commend you and your super-fast yummy snack inventingness! Thank you!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/6237013.stm

Blogging

It's a very strange thing, blogging. It, at least for me, seems to be a weird mix of a diary, a process of random thoughts and observations, and a load of rubbish... and yet it is not quite any of these (with the possible exception of the latter). It's not a diary- I don't write everything here, and don't put what I've done every day, and certainly don't reveal every single thought and emotion and feeling I am at that moment experiencing (mostly)... but I do put something into my blogs, they are real... or something. I don't know if this makes sense, but I just think it's strange, because they can't really be properly classified. Either way, I have realised that i have been blogging for about 9 months now, on and off, and I think that's an achievement! I have always been so SO sporadic in my diary keeping, sometimes writing them religiously, other times forgetting them for years! So I am very happy that what has been one of, if not the most extraordinary year of my life, for both the good times and the bad, has been to some extent kept record of on this little website. Where maybe 2 other people in the world read it. Still, strange but cool.

In other news, it is my very last day in Devon for the time being, as I am off to Durham tomorrow! And working on Saturday... and I have tonnes of Uni work to do too. So, it won't be all fun and games, but I am looking forward to being on CVT once more, with good old Diana the clock, the freeview television, my huge bedroom, and my gigantic bed! Ahhhh... Durham. Kinda like a good cup of tea... some of the time. It has become a second home for me, and I gladly return...

That is not to say that I am glad to leave home... I have had a wonderful christmas on the whole, despite the few hiccups, and I have really enjoyed being with my wonderful family... though I feel I probably have not appreciated them these last two weeks as much as I should have, and I probablyhaven't spent as much time with them as I should. But nevermind.... The point is... I guess.. how lucky am I to have not one, but TWO homes in which I love to be, where there are people I love, and where I can find warmth and fun and... life!

Anyway, I shan't keep you any longer... see you up North! Love, xxx

How!?

How is it suddenly 2.30am and I no longer have the energy or inspiration to write anything of interest!!!

Time, eh?

xxx

Cornwall

Today I went to what has to be one of my favourite places in the world (of what I've seen). It is a place that, for me, holds many dear memories of family holidays, being young, innocent and optimistic, full of hope and family and future. That makes it sound as if I no longer have these things, which I am not saying... I am still young, I try to be optimistic (and think I am more so than I may let on), and I believe I'm relatively innocent... but anyway, I digress. The point is that Cornwall, in particular Polzeath and surrounding areas, holds many happy memories for me. Not to mention the fact that it is a beautiful coastline... So anyway, yes I went there today... we had a lovely lunch in a pub in Port Gavern, which is a tiny, untouched village right on a little beach. Afterwards, we drove to Polzeath beach, where we took the dogs down to the water and ate ice cream in the freezing cold, buffetting wind and driving rain. The waves were huge and violent and, for want of a better word, inspirational.

We then took a walk along the cliffs to Pentire head, with the wind blowing (what felt like) 100mph, and gigantic waves crashing into the rocks beneath us. Completely awe inspiring and amazing. At points the wind was so powerful that you could lean into it, and it would hold you up, keep you from falling. There is something about that, and just the general force of nature, and the stark beauty that it can have, that has touched me today, and that is the reason why I love this place so much. I am sure it is the same for many places along the coastline, but for me... this is it. Anyway, just thought I'd share...

In other news... On Wednesday, my family and I went down to Milverton (a village near Wellington in Somerset) to have lunch with relatives (varying from 94yr old great aunt to 21yr old second cousin, and everything in between) which was daunting, given that I had only met about 3 of them before, and only once before... but it was still good, and very important... family is.

Tomorrow some very good friends of our family are coming to stay for the New Year period, which I am really looking forward to... so all in all, all is good! I hope everyone else is well!

Love, xxx

Merry Christmas One and All

There are a number of things that I have seen, heard or done over the past few days that have either moved or inspired me... sadly, I am now feeling very unarticulate, but I will try, nevertheless, to get across to you my point, which in itself, I think, is very simple.

If there is one thing in life, that we should be driven by, that we should strive for, and that we should grant each and everyone with, it is love. Love, for me, is of utmost importance. For me, the meaning behind Christmas and love are inseperable. And it is a time when families should be together, to share in their love for each other, and so on. So the first thing that got to me the past few days was talking to Oscar on the phone on Christmas morning, as he was in a taxi on his way to catch a plane to Florida with his Dad. It was really sad, as he really wanted to be with us as well, and couldn't understand why everyone wasn't together.

Then there was a phonecall to my Dad... I don't know if all you who'll bother to read this know the history with my Dad, but lets just say its complicated, and as a results, I haven't spoken to him probably for about a year. Anyway, the point of this was... the phonecall was very hard... I can't even begin to understand myself what it all meant to me, so I won't try and explain to you, but the point is, the phonecall was made. He is my father, and despite everything, I will always love him. And his love for us, and his family, means that despite his condition, he remembers certain details about us, and when we last spoke.

Today also, through Challenge Anneka (I know, how silly, right?) and a very moving programme about an Autistic child, I have been reminded again and again just how important love is... not only for your family, your friends, your partner... but for everyone...

We must all show love for one another, because at the end of the day, it's what we all strive for... with love comes recognition, respect, and all those other things we feel we need.

I think I've stopped making sense, and I am about to/already sound like a cheesy hippy, but I know what I mean and I just thought I should say it. Oh dear... but anyway, the point is I love you. xxx

Just to keep Tim happy...

I'm back in Devon now, where life is a little crazier, but the weather is warmer and the food is free. So all is good. I'm loving being able just to lie in bed and not do ANYTHING... it's very nice. However I will get up soon as I believe I'm meant to be going shopping later... hrmmn.

Other news? Ermmm... I'm getting sick, which is not good (which, by the way, I blame you for, Tim)... my next door neighbour's 3 yr old little girl is the sweetest, most adorable child you will ever meet... ermmmmmmmm

You see, this is why people shouldn't be forced into blogging when they have nothing to say!

Instead I will put in a picture of Durham in the ice, which I took yesterday, on my way up to the train station, as you do...

If you leave me now...

Well we've had our christmas day, and a wonderful trip to Edinburgh... now all that is left is for y'all to pack up your stuff and go. Only I will still be here... for another week. And shall return shortly, at the beginning of January. Woo.

But it just won't be the same without everyone here... the hustle and bustle of people... and I know I was here pretty much alone this summer (bar Taj and Tom), but then
i didn't know any different...

It'll be weird... eerily quiet. Anyways, what I really wanted to do was wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year... I look forward to starting the next term and next year with resolution, optimism and... something else, can't find the word.

I also want to thank you all for being an ear/shoulder/support to me in what have been some difficult times...

Have great holidays, and I'll see you in a month or so!

xxx

Under duress...

I am only posting to please a certain person. I don't really see the point of blogging when you really can't think of anything to say... when everything in your life at that moment in time seems so much greater than a, lets face it, self-indulgent, meaningless and trivial load of drivel.

I don't know. Life is strange... and sometimes it's too overwhelming to express that in Size 12 font.

Not that I am saying we shouldn't blog, or that the certain person was wrong to suggest that others do so a little more regularly... I'm just explaining why I haven't I guess. But I shall endeavour to do so more often. For now, it is too late (or early?) (3.20am)... and I have had too much of a day to make any sense. So for now, goodnight... xxx

Breathe

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
And breathe, just breathe.

Anna Nalick, Breathe (2 AM)

Worries

Katie is right to say that we all like to grumble. We look for the little things that annoy us and point them out.

But maybe we do this as an act of denial. Whilst focusing on smaller, menial problems that aren't really problems we can ignore the fact that there are other things, bigger things that we should be thinking about...

We can address the fact that we are cold... we put on a jumper... or the fact that we hate early lectures...

But what about things that you just don't know how to fix? What about things that can't be fixed? It's frustrating, as someone who likes to be able to solve a problem, to have the answers, and to know what to do... it's frustrating to be utterly lost.

It seems that I am Cleopatra... Queen of Denial.

It's not just a river in Egypt.

Music

Music has always been something I have turned to when feeling lost, confused, upset, unhappy, lonely, angry, depressed etc.

Also when I am happy, but for now we shall concentrate on the above...

Music often has answers. When you are feeling lonely it will tell you 'you are not alone'. When you feel like giving up, it tells you to 'hold on'. That 'it just takes some time', that 'everything will be alright'.

But what happens when music doesn't have the answers. What then.

Where do you turn when you really are alone, you have no time, it won't be alright, and there is no happy ending, glass half full, silver lining land of fairy tale endings?

What then?

What if you are just lost?

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy

This is a quote from Dante, and I can't decide how true it is. On the one hand, it is true to say that to look back over what you've lost when you're feeling down is one of the worst things you can do. However, to look back over what you've been lucky enough to have, even though you have lost it... this should be comforting, surely? To be lucky enough to look back and smile, fondly recall times and places and people. Rather than not being able to name a single pleasant memory etc?

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone". But what happens when technically you are not alone, you have friends, family and so on, you love them, and they love you... what hppens when even then you feel alone? Are you greedy because it's not enough, or are you aware of this idea that Orson Welles put forth, or are you aware of the problems that exist.

What happens if you can see the problems, but you can't solve them. What if you don't even know why they are there, where they came from, or anything?

"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for" (Daq Hammerskjold). I guess, then, that is all we have to hold on to.

One Hundred!

This is post 100! Woo!

Anyway, the party last night was lots of fun... and I finished my essay... and we now have digital T.V. working! Woo! Lots of good stuff!

I feel that as this is my 100th post I should make it extra special, but yeah, I can't think of anything...

Now I have to decide whether or not to go out tonight, and I really ought to get on with some more work... Grrrr

x

Party like its Post 99

I haven't blogged in ages, not because I've been overly busy doing wonderful and exciting... purely through laziness. Anyway, today I have returned to the blogging world for one reason only... procrastination. Not even mid-way through my essay, which I feel like I've been writing for a decade or two, and I am about ready to... I don't know, do something stupid out of desperate boredom. Instead I thought I'd post. As it happens, this is my 99th post, which is quite exciting, don't you think?

Anyway... is there anything worthwhile to tell you about the last weeks... probably not, nothing you don't all already know anyway. And what of the future... as good as my psychic powers are, I can't be sure of what's going to happen, though we are having a Halloween Party tonight, and I will be working next Saturday. Other than that, we shall have to wait and see.

Question for you all... if you could look into your future, would you want to?

That's all for now folks, now I might go arrange my underwear draw... xxx

VIB... Vicky Is ...

I can't think of what to put for the 'B', so I shall leave that for you to come up with... answers in the comments section please.
Today Emma moved in properly to No. 1, which is very exciting. We had a brilliant evening playing cards, listening to music (and, sorry guys, singing along) and chatting and it was good fun. Earlier in the day, Katie and I discovered a short-cut to the shop, we all visited Argos and we tidied the house a bit.

It's been a good day. x