Tidy Room

I am here, on my bed, gazing at the marvel that is a clean room. Freshly hoovered, cleared, sorted and generally dealt with. It's a wonderful sight, and a brilliant feeling. This said... it took me all of 40 minutes to do. I wish the arrangement of self could be so speedily completed. I'm in a very strange mood tonight... and cannot decide whether life and thoughts etc are very complex, or really very simple. I can't decide whether I'm feeling content, anxious, excited, nostalgic or what... I just don't know. I'm not despairing, I'm in a pretty good mood. But equally, I confuse myself! I would like to be able to order my mind in the way that I did my room... to hoover up the dust, throw out the rubbish and arrange the various scraps of paper, on which are scrawled all the pieces that make up my life. A quandry indeed, but on the other hand, I sometimes feel that I should stop questioning, accept it for what it is and 'carry on regardless'. I don't know if any of these sentences actually flow together, but if they don't it's just an example of the broken nature of a thought... of a life, really.

But anyway

enough of the rubbish! I'm starting to get cold (I'm on the bed, not in it), and my elbows are hurting (I'm leaning on them), and I am tired... so I shall say goodnight, with a question...

Are we complex... or are we actually very simple? Should we continue to question?

I guess one way that you could look at it is, if I never tidied my room, eventually I would a) not be able to open the door, b) not be able to find anything and c) very likely be plagued by insects and rodents. Not a pleasant thought...

Snow

Ok, so I know I was very drunk last night, and that maybe my reaction was partly due to that, but... as I was walking home at about 2am after a lovely night, my feet a little worse for wear, it began to snow. Really heavily. It had already snowed a little earlier in the night, and the roads, pavements, grass, houses, cars and trees were all covered. As was I, increasingly. Thanks to my alcohol coat, I didn't feel the cold, but I was touched by just how astoundingly beautiful snow is. At that time of night, the roads were empty, and the world was silent... all there was was me walking up the hill, and the snow, falling gently covering all the marks that we have left upon the world. Maybe this is why I think snow is so wonderful... it acts like a big blanket that hides all the ugliness that humanity has produced in order to 'get around, and get along'. Or maybe, it is just simply that it is beautiful... soft and slow. I don't know. I sound a little stupid now, I'm sure, but nevermind. It was a moment that caught me, and I guess I just wanted to reiterate what has already been put in other blogs... just remember to occasionally stop, and look around. Don't get too caught up in life, to forget the world in which you are living. That it has beauty beyond any which we could create. It is simple and it is wonderful, and it should be appreciated.

xxx

World's worst blog

So I thought I better update my blog, as I haven't in a little while. That said, I don't really think I have much to say. Thus, I apologise for the possible (and likely) ensuing, illegible ramble...

What have I been up to the last week or so? Not much? A lot... I don't know... went to Planet on Friday which was, as always, fun. Ummm... went to the quiz last night which was also fun, and we got 40/60.. not bad...

Wow, I am feeling really uninspired. Which is odd, because I don't really feel that way, I just can't put it down in (virtual) paper..

I'll go now. Sorry bout that!

Well its been a while since my last post, and so much has happened, I can't even remember it all! And that has nothing (well, little) to do with my alcohol consumption... so what has happened...

Well Henry came to visit on Wednesday... ye-eah! It all started with world's hardest pub quiz (over-exaggeration, ok) and some wine... then was formal on Thursday... Burns night! Yay! So much fun, so good, though too much wine and loss of campus card/debit card/rail card and £10. Which wasn't so good. But overall a brilliant night!

Then last night was Planet of Sound, for which Henry and I were joined by Ellie and Tim (Price). Another very good night, though a combination of tequila slammers and vodka jelly.... not so good. Very drunken, but loads of fun. We spend pretty much the whole time on Trance, and it was an amazing set, given by guest DJ Graham Gold. Anyway, so good night... with maybe exception of digital cameras and errrr... yeah. No, great night. Loving the curly fries! Hehehehe.

I'm sure lots more has happened in the last two weeks, but I can't even remember! x

14 January 2007

Exactly a week since my last post, I believe, and lots has happened! First, last Thursday, Emma, Tim and Taj moved back into Crossview Terrace. Yay! Since then has ensued a great few days of eating together, drinking waaaaay too much wine and watching films etc. Good fun, and great to have people back. Katie, Alex and Oli arrived back today- Yaaaaay! This is really pointless of me to write this, given that everyone who reads this (if anyone), is one of those mentioned above.

But anyway, the whole point of this is puuuuurely to procrastinate... I have a summative due on Friday, so of course I am spending my time not doing it. It's the right thing to do...

Anyway, I know that when I started writing this a few hours ago, I had a point and possibly even something to say... but since then I have been to the Duke of Welly and I've forgotten. And Katie and Emma are playing Ms Pacman, and its far more interesting! Even so, just is nice to have everyone back, and am looking forward to the new term, the new year and so on!

Maybe not so many 5 bottles of wine nights... x

Momofuku Ando

As a student, I have come to appreciate the power of the Pot Noodle. The Supernoodle. The Tesco Value instant chicken noodles, only 8p a pack. In fact, I would be willing to bet that instant noodles are a valued part of most Students' lives. Lets face it, we live on them, have lived on them, or will live on them at some point. And we generally love them. Therefore, I would like to take a moment just to appreciate them, and the man who invented them, Mr Momofuku Ando (cool name), who died today in Japan, aged 96. Mr Ando, we commend you and your super-fast yummy snack inventingness! Thank you!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/6237013.stm

Blogging

It's a very strange thing, blogging. It, at least for me, seems to be a weird mix of a diary, a process of random thoughts and observations, and a load of rubbish... and yet it is not quite any of these (with the possible exception of the latter). It's not a diary- I don't write everything here, and don't put what I've done every day, and certainly don't reveal every single thought and emotion and feeling I am at that moment experiencing (mostly)... but I do put something into my blogs, they are real... or something. I don't know if this makes sense, but I just think it's strange, because they can't really be properly classified. Either way, I have realised that i have been blogging for about 9 months now, on and off, and I think that's an achievement! I have always been so SO sporadic in my diary keeping, sometimes writing them religiously, other times forgetting them for years! So I am very happy that what has been one of, if not the most extraordinary year of my life, for both the good times and the bad, has been to some extent kept record of on this little website. Where maybe 2 other people in the world read it. Still, strange but cool.

In other news, it is my very last day in Devon for the time being, as I am off to Durham tomorrow! And working on Saturday... and I have tonnes of Uni work to do too. So, it won't be all fun and games, but I am looking forward to being on CVT once more, with good old Diana the clock, the freeview television, my huge bedroom, and my gigantic bed! Ahhhh... Durham. Kinda like a good cup of tea... some of the time. It has become a second home for me, and I gladly return...

That is not to say that I am glad to leave home... I have had a wonderful christmas on the whole, despite the few hiccups, and I have really enjoyed being with my wonderful family... though I feel I probably have not appreciated them these last two weeks as much as I should have, and I probablyhaven't spent as much time with them as I should. But nevermind.... The point is... I guess.. how lucky am I to have not one, but TWO homes in which I love to be, where there are people I love, and where I can find warmth and fun and... life!

Anyway, I shan't keep you any longer... see you up North! Love, xxx

How!?

How is it suddenly 2.30am and I no longer have the energy or inspiration to write anything of interest!!!

Time, eh?

xxx

Cornwall

Today I went to what has to be one of my favourite places in the world (of what I've seen). It is a place that, for me, holds many dear memories of family holidays, being young, innocent and optimistic, full of hope and family and future. That makes it sound as if I no longer have these things, which I am not saying... I am still young, I try to be optimistic (and think I am more so than I may let on), and I believe I'm relatively innocent... but anyway, I digress. The point is that Cornwall, in particular Polzeath and surrounding areas, holds many happy memories for me. Not to mention the fact that it is a beautiful coastline... So anyway, yes I went there today... we had a lovely lunch in a pub in Port Gavern, which is a tiny, untouched village right on a little beach. Afterwards, we drove to Polzeath beach, where we took the dogs down to the water and ate ice cream in the freezing cold, buffetting wind and driving rain. The waves were huge and violent and, for want of a better word, inspirational.

We then took a walk along the cliffs to Pentire head, with the wind blowing (what felt like) 100mph, and gigantic waves crashing into the rocks beneath us. Completely awe inspiring and amazing. At points the wind was so powerful that you could lean into it, and it would hold you up, keep you from falling. There is something about that, and just the general force of nature, and the stark beauty that it can have, that has touched me today, and that is the reason why I love this place so much. I am sure it is the same for many places along the coastline, but for me... this is it. Anyway, just thought I'd share...

In other news... On Wednesday, my family and I went down to Milverton (a village near Wellington in Somerset) to have lunch with relatives (varying from 94yr old great aunt to 21yr old second cousin, and everything in between) which was daunting, given that I had only met about 3 of them before, and only once before... but it was still good, and very important... family is.

Tomorrow some very good friends of our family are coming to stay for the New Year period, which I am really looking forward to... so all in all, all is good! I hope everyone else is well!

Love, xxx

Merry Christmas One and All

There are a number of things that I have seen, heard or done over the past few days that have either moved or inspired me... sadly, I am now feeling very unarticulate, but I will try, nevertheless, to get across to you my point, which in itself, I think, is very simple.

If there is one thing in life, that we should be driven by, that we should strive for, and that we should grant each and everyone with, it is love. Love, for me, is of utmost importance. For me, the meaning behind Christmas and love are inseperable. And it is a time when families should be together, to share in their love for each other, and so on. So the first thing that got to me the past few days was talking to Oscar on the phone on Christmas morning, as he was in a taxi on his way to catch a plane to Florida with his Dad. It was really sad, as he really wanted to be with us as well, and couldn't understand why everyone wasn't together.

Then there was a phonecall to my Dad... I don't know if all you who'll bother to read this know the history with my Dad, but lets just say its complicated, and as a results, I haven't spoken to him probably for about a year. Anyway, the point of this was... the phonecall was very hard... I can't even begin to understand myself what it all meant to me, so I won't try and explain to you, but the point is, the phonecall was made. He is my father, and despite everything, I will always love him. And his love for us, and his family, means that despite his condition, he remembers certain details about us, and when we last spoke.

Today also, through Challenge Anneka (I know, how silly, right?) and a very moving programme about an Autistic child, I have been reminded again and again just how important love is... not only for your family, your friends, your partner... but for everyone...

We must all show love for one another, because at the end of the day, it's what we all strive for... with love comes recognition, respect, and all those other things we feel we need.

I think I've stopped making sense, and I am about to/already sound like a cheesy hippy, but I know what I mean and I just thought I should say it. Oh dear... but anyway, the point is I love you. xxx

Just to keep Tim happy...

I'm back in Devon now, where life is a little crazier, but the weather is warmer and the food is free. So all is good. I'm loving being able just to lie in bed and not do ANYTHING... it's very nice. However I will get up soon as I believe I'm meant to be going shopping later... hrmmn.

Other news? Ermmm... I'm getting sick, which is not good (which, by the way, I blame you for, Tim)... my next door neighbour's 3 yr old little girl is the sweetest, most adorable child you will ever meet... ermmmmmmmm

You see, this is why people shouldn't be forced into blogging when they have nothing to say!

Instead I will put in a picture of Durham in the ice, which I took yesterday, on my way up to the train station, as you do...

If you leave me now...

Well we've had our christmas day, and a wonderful trip to Edinburgh... now all that is left is for y'all to pack up your stuff and go. Only I will still be here... for another week. And shall return shortly, at the beginning of January. Woo.

But it just won't be the same without everyone here... the hustle and bustle of people... and I know I was here pretty much alone this summer (bar Taj and Tom), but then
i didn't know any different...

It'll be weird... eerily quiet. Anyways, what I really wanted to do was wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year... I look forward to starting the next term and next year with resolution, optimism and... something else, can't find the word.

I also want to thank you all for being an ear/shoulder/support to me in what have been some difficult times...

Have great holidays, and I'll see you in a month or so!

xxx

Under duress...

I am only posting to please a certain person. I don't really see the point of blogging when you really can't think of anything to say... when everything in your life at that moment in time seems so much greater than a, lets face it, self-indulgent, meaningless and trivial load of drivel.

I don't know. Life is strange... and sometimes it's too overwhelming to express that in Size 12 font.

Not that I am saying we shouldn't blog, or that the certain person was wrong to suggest that others do so a little more regularly... I'm just explaining why I haven't I guess. But I shall endeavour to do so more often. For now, it is too late (or early?) (3.20am)... and I have had too much of a day to make any sense. So for now, goodnight... xxx

Breathe

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
And breathe, just breathe.

Anna Nalick, Breathe (2 AM)

Worries

Katie is right to say that we all like to grumble. We look for the little things that annoy us and point them out.

But maybe we do this as an act of denial. Whilst focusing on smaller, menial problems that aren't really problems we can ignore the fact that there are other things, bigger things that we should be thinking about...

We can address the fact that we are cold... we put on a jumper... or the fact that we hate early lectures...

But what about things that you just don't know how to fix? What about things that can't be fixed? It's frustrating, as someone who likes to be able to solve a problem, to have the answers, and to know what to do... it's frustrating to be utterly lost.

It seems that I am Cleopatra... Queen of Denial.

It's not just a river in Egypt.

Music

Music has always been something I have turned to when feeling lost, confused, upset, unhappy, lonely, angry, depressed etc.

Also when I am happy, but for now we shall concentrate on the above...

Music often has answers. When you are feeling lonely it will tell you 'you are not alone'. When you feel like giving up, it tells you to 'hold on'. That 'it just takes some time', that 'everything will be alright'.

But what happens when music doesn't have the answers. What then.

Where do you turn when you really are alone, you have no time, it won't be alright, and there is no happy ending, glass half full, silver lining land of fairy tale endings?

What then?

What if you are just lost?

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy

This is a quote from Dante, and I can't decide how true it is. On the one hand, it is true to say that to look back over what you've lost when you're feeling down is one of the worst things you can do. However, to look back over what you've been lucky enough to have, even though you have lost it... this should be comforting, surely? To be lucky enough to look back and smile, fondly recall times and places and people. Rather than not being able to name a single pleasant memory etc?

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone". But what happens when technically you are not alone, you have friends, family and so on, you love them, and they love you... what hppens when even then you feel alone? Are you greedy because it's not enough, or are you aware of this idea that Orson Welles put forth, or are you aware of the problems that exist.

What happens if you can see the problems, but you can't solve them. What if you don't even know why they are there, where they came from, or anything?

"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for" (Daq Hammerskjold). I guess, then, that is all we have to hold on to.

One Hundred!

This is post 100! Woo!

Anyway, the party last night was lots of fun... and I finished my essay... and we now have digital T.V. working! Woo! Lots of good stuff!

I feel that as this is my 100th post I should make it extra special, but yeah, I can't think of anything...

Now I have to decide whether or not to go out tonight, and I really ought to get on with some more work... Grrrr

x

Party like its Post 99

I haven't blogged in ages, not because I've been overly busy doing wonderful and exciting... purely through laziness. Anyway, today I have returned to the blogging world for one reason only... procrastination. Not even mid-way through my essay, which I feel like I've been writing for a decade or two, and I am about ready to... I don't know, do something stupid out of desperate boredom. Instead I thought I'd post. As it happens, this is my 99th post, which is quite exciting, don't you think?

Anyway... is there anything worthwhile to tell you about the last weeks... probably not, nothing you don't all already know anyway. And what of the future... as good as my psychic powers are, I can't be sure of what's going to happen, though we are having a Halloween Party tonight, and I will be working next Saturday. Other than that, we shall have to wait and see.

Question for you all... if you could look into your future, would you want to?

That's all for now folks, now I might go arrange my underwear draw... xxx

VIB... Vicky Is ...

I can't think of what to put for the 'B', so I shall leave that for you to come up with... answers in the comments section please.
Today Emma moved in properly to No. 1, which is very exciting. We had a brilliant evening playing cards, listening to music (and, sorry guys, singing along) and chatting and it was good fun. Earlier in the day, Katie and I discovered a short-cut to the shop, we all visited Argos and we tidied the house a bit.

It's been a good day. x

Tea, anyone?

Today I've drunk lots of tea, eaten many biscuits, played cards and spent an excessive amount of time on the internet, just because I can now.

Katie and I also cleaned the house a bit, and figured out how to work the tumble dryer... so that's good.

Also tonight we watched 'V for Vendetta', which was very good, although it does mean that I will be going to sleep after 3am for the umpteenth night running, which is not very good.

But sacrifices have to be made, and the good news is that DUO is working for me once more.

xxx

P.S. I have noticed I have a tendency to overuse the word 'good', so apologies!

Yay for speedy internet!

After a day of wires and network connections, LAN settings, ISP addresses, and many more technical confusing things, Katie and I have finally managed to set up the internet in our house, wireless and hugely speedy!

It's sooo good... I'm on my bed right now, no wires... brilliant!

Anyway, that's it for now

Oh and welcome back to Durham all those who have returned now! x

Serial Killers and Sickness

Today I am not very well... what started out as just a cold has descended into either a 'very shitty' cold, or the flu. I'm all achey and ill and generally horrible.

So what better way to spend the day than reading about serial killers (my new book, it's very cool), playing Yahtzee and card games and reading gossip mags. Brilliant.

Now I'm going to email my mum and then I think we are watching a film. Bye, see some of you soon, x

Chinese, McSeriously good...

Well I had every intention of getting an early night last night, because I have been getting ill. That all fell to pieces, however...

First of all, I found out that the job that I had been given is no longer available, as they have 'frozen' all new employments or some such crap which basically means I HAVE NO JOB. Which seriously sucks. So, in that depressed light, we set off for Meghans for what was meant to be a bit of America's next top model, followed by early bed.

Twas not the case, however. After top model, Tom and Scott came over, joing Meghan, Liam, Katie and I... we had a few drinks, had a bit of a grey's anatomy marathon, played some yahtzee and ate some chinese takeaway. Great fun, but fun that didn't end 'till 5.30am, when I finally got to sleep. It was a very good night, though... so thanks to Meghan and Liam for the hospitality, and the Yahtzee!

Today Katie, Meghan, Liam and I went for lunch at dynasty for yet more chinese, but it was the perfect food for the afternoon after the night before. Yum. Then, Katie and I trawled shops for second hand books (of which I bought 3... for my course, of course!) and board games (I bought some dice, and Katie bought snakes and ladders). The rest of our day has been spent watching a film and playing Yahtzee (we tried Dominoes once, but they just didn't compete, so we reverted back to the faithful die).

All in all a good couple of days. Other than the no job thing. x

I am not

going to apologise for having a bad week. I'm sorry if my blogs have made people think that I think things that I don't, but I really don't. I'm sorry if people have been offended by anything I have written, or taken anything personally.

Maybe I should write a draft of my blog before I publish it, but I don't... I just write, and whatever I'm feeling at that moment will come out. So I'm sorry if I wrote things in a way that hurt people, it wasn't meant to be. This past week of blogs haven't been aimed at anyone or anything, I've felt a bit low, and I'm sorry about that... and I'm sick, and all, but I'm not holding back on anything or secretly holding hateful feelings towards anyone.

So please don't worry.

x

I have

come to the realisation that maybe it is better not to tell anyone anything, because that way you know that information won't be passed on. Also, its better not to ask anything, because then you don't get told things you don't want to hear. Though sometimes you can't stop someone from saying something. I don't know where I'm going with this. And I know that people will probably read things into this that they shouldn't, but that is the problem with saying anything.

I might become a mute.

Today is Saturday

and I am covered in ink.

Sometimes I feel like...

I'm slipping under and I just don't know how to stop myself.

I wish

There was a way that I could just make my head explode and then I wouldnt know akll the thgings i know, feel what i feel, think what i rthink

i would just be lost in oblivion

and ignorance would still be bliss

Job Searching and Sky

The past few days has consisted of...

Seeing Meghan who moved in on Sunday to her house on Mistletoe St.
Looking for jobs, applying for jobs, preparing for interview for job.
Watching family guy with Meghan and Scott at Scott's flat... and drinking maybe too much wine and gin... sorry guys if I was really incomprehensible.
Ironing.
Washing and cleaning.
Reading... though not for my course- I still don't have a reading list.
Watching Meghan's SKY T.V of which I am very jealous. I do, however, realise that if I were to have sky I would never get anything done what with watching all the 'Next Top Model' bitchiness, sitcom re-run comedy, films and other important things like... THE CRYSTAL MAZE. Which was a brilliant show.

Anyway. That's all folks, I'm gonna go fill out some application forms... xxx

Nothing...

It's funny... at home, despite the fact that I generally spent my days doing nothing, I always managed to find something to write in a blog, albeit probably meaningless, boring and a waste of all our time. Since coming up to Durham, still spending my days doing nothing, interspersed by the occasional job hunt, tesco trip, pub visit, or film viewing with Tom and Taj, I am finding it difficult to come up with anything to write about.

Having said that, I just wrote a whole paragraph on the fact that I have nothing to write. And now here, I have the beginnings of another paragraph on the fact that I wrote a paragraph on the fact I have nothing to write. I could go on. But I won't. Anyway, hope to talk to you all soon... I think I am missing human-human interaction (not, of course forgetting Taj and Tom...) or maybe I am just missing dear MSN.

I'll stop now, before I go too far. Love, xxx

More from Up North.

Still in Durham. What have I done the last few days?

Urm... cant remember when I last updated, buuuut... Kathy and Adam came to visit which was great, saw Oli yesterday briefly which was nice, went to the cinema with and stayed at Jo's house last night which was fun and did a trial shift at Persona today which was scary. I dont think Ill get the job, because lots of people applied, and a) I have no previous experience and b) my trial shift basically consisted of me doing nothing for three hours, because they were having a really dead day. Still, the girls there were very nice, the clothes very pretty... not to mention the shoes...

Hmmn.

That is all. For now. x

The One With The Brother And Sister

Not really copying Andy, have just watched a hell of a lot of Friends in the past week- like three series worth. I know. I know. This is why I'm hoping these jobs are going to come through. I put my application into Monsoon today... fingers double-triple crossed (ouch, but totally worth it).

Anyway, today (after a mishap with a cancelled train) Adam and Kathy, my brother and sister, arrived for a long weekend... yay! Having dropped off stuff at my house (yes- my house!) we went, with Taj, to Dynasty for a yummy chinese buffet, which was lovely. Then we walked around Durham a bit, came back... and here I am in Taj's house. He and Tom and Adam are engrossed in a geeky RPG gamey thing. Anyway- BOYS!

Tomorrow we are hoping to go to the metrocentre... which will be fun. So, for now... Byyyeee!! xxx

The Job Search

Still in Durham, still looking for jobs....

Although progress has been made on that front, in that I have actually applied to places... and plan to apply to more, and I have a CV (though not very impressive).

Biggest news is... MONSOON have a job going... this is a job I would kill for...

Seriously. I would. THINK of the staff discount. Anyway, I'm gonna go fill out the application form now, so byeee x

I am

back in Durham now.

Up, up and away...

Well here we are... tomorrow I head off on a train to Durham, with a ridiculously large amount of stuff, half of which I imagine I will never use. It's exciting- I can't wait to see the house, and daunting- living on my own for a month, and sad- saying goodbye to the family for who knows how long. Hopefully though, Adam and Kathy will be up to visit for the weekend, bringing with them... more stuff! That would be nice. Anyway, it's only a quickie 'cause I need my sleep (haha)... Just wanted to say byebye (and Hi to those of you newly returned) and etc etc. Don't know when I will be posting again... could be a couple days, a couple weeks, a couple months. Who knows... here's to the great unknown! May we embrace and relish it. xxx

Nightmare in Packingsville

Ok... I have about 35 hours until I am meant to be up and ready to head off to Durham. However, I am, as you may be aware, terrible at packing. Maybe worse than the me trying to choose an outfit kind of bad. No, nothing beats that. Anyway... yes, I am very bad. This is for two reasons. I begin the packing with the greatest of intentions... to pack light, and to pack neat. These, however, become my downfall. I get bored of folding, and indecisive as to what I really need. This means that my suitcase gets overstuffed, untidily, and full to burst with things I'll probably never need.

I am aware of this fault, but am helpless to do anything to stop it. It is just who I am. In this way I hate packing. On the other side of the coin, however, I quite enjoy it. I can turn the music up loud, let my mind wander as it's not a particularly engaging task, and get excited about where I am going.

This is the ambivalence of me.

x

Apologies

Sorry if i have come across in a very bad mood for the past few days. The truth is, I haven't been in a bad mood.. more of an emotional rollercoaster from content, to annoyed, to angry, to excited, to worried, to upset, to asleep. So... it's not really been a representational view. But nevermind. I haven't properly blogged for a while but I a) can't remember enough to and b) can't be bothered enough to go through my daily excitements (of which, I'm sure you can imagine, there are many... not).

On Tuesday of last week (as I blogged... I think)... we were planning to go down to Polzeath beach in Cornwall for the day (it's about an hour from here)... we being me, my mum, Adam, Kathy and Oscar, Diana (a friend of the family), Zander (her 15yr old son) and Nick (Adam's friend). However, fate was not on our side... or at least BMW weren't, and Diana's car broke down on the way. So we (after sitting on the roadside for 3 hours waiting for Mr. AA) turned round and spent the day at home instead. So our trip to Cornwall happened the following day, and despite being very windy it was a brilliant day, lots of fun in the sun and the sand and the sea... from the sand castles, to the fish and chips, to the bodyboarding to the pub meal in the evening, all very nice.

The next day I had an old friend from school, Steph, come over and we had a great time catching up on life, and realising how many people we had forgotten about!

What else has happened...
Yesterday... or the day before, I forget.. Diana and Zander went home, and Oscar was picked up by his father, to go on holiday for the next three weeks. The house seems very quiet now, but it is bliss. I have revelled in the peace, and consequently, have watched about NINE films since he left. OH DEAR. BUT BUT BUT it was a good thing as I rediscovered films that I love (such as Blow, which is Johnny Depp as a drug dealer... but really rather sad story) and discovered new films (such as The Notebook, which was brilliant... really liked it). Good all round.

Now my MOST exciting news is that I will be in Durham on Thursday- for the foreseeable future! Yay! Hopefully that entails me settling in to Crossview, and getting a job, and generally being organised.

This has been a long post, so I will leave you all now, with a final note of appreciation... to the wonderfulness that is.... fluffy socks. They are so satisfying. :) x

Grr

People can be so fucking awful.

Sometimes I really hate them.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

Sometimes I really hate people. I'm sorry... I know that sounds bad, but they can really annoy me. I'm sure that I annoy people too, so don't feel too bad, but really! Argh! Sometimes it just pisses me off.

Grrrrrr.

And whoever keeps putting random Anonymous comments on my old blogs saying 'check out this link' etc could they stop it. Thankyou.

That is all.

Take Two...

Okay, so yesterday we didn't get to the beach, because one of the cars we were going in broke down. We were stuck on the motorway in the heat for three hours instead. Oh well. I still had a pleasant day playing ping-pong, swimming and stuff. Today we are going to head for the beach again, and luckily the weather is still brilliant. So here's hoping... x

Oops...

Apparently SO exciting I had to post it twice...

Exciting...

Today we are all going down to Polzeath beach in Cornwall. The sun is shining and it should be brilliant! Yay! xxx

Exciting...

Today we are all going down to Polzeath beach in Cornwall. The sun is shining and it should be brilliant! Yay! xxx

Hello one and all

You see, I told you I would be fine and I am. I have had a very enjoyable day... First going to Spittuwick (spelling is probably wrong) on Dartmoor, which is a place on the River Dart where you can picnic, swim, and (if the mood takes you) jump off a cliff into the water (the mood didn't take me, but I had a nice paddle around in the shallows). Anyway, that was all very nice. This evening my mum, Diana and I went to and outdoor production of 'Twelfth Night', which was BRILLIANT. Really well done, and in the most beautiful of settings. I feel very sorry for Malvolio though...
Bye, x

Today I discovered...

• If in the right mood, a single glass of red wine is enough to make me feel blurry at the edges.
• Boys really can't multitask (according to my 6 year old brother 'It's difficult doing 2 things at once')
• I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment.

4th August

I'm fed up. With everything. But I'm not eactly sure what to do about it.

Thursday (honest)

I'm really just blogging now in order to not miss a day. I don't have anything to say, or really feel like blogging.

I don't know why this wave of negativity has hit me, or what it means, but oh well. I shall (to be really corny and continue with a metaphor) wait for the tide to turn.

Here's to better things, to being in Durham soonish, and to... the future? Whatever it may hold.

Everything seems so close, but yet so far away. x

Some of the things that I love...

The feel of new pyjamas.
Dancing round the kitchen, with the radio turned up loud (and nobody's watching).
Singing at the top of my voice (when no-one is listening).
Falling into a comfy, cosy bed after a tiring, but pleasant, day.
Laughing with my sister in the swimming pool.
Watching the clouds, whilst on my back on the trampoline, listening to music.
Playing the piano and getting it right.
Hugs.
Surprises (good, nice ones).
A really good film. Okay... any film that will make me smile, think, cry, happy etc. Any film.
A really good book.
Travelling. Anywhere. Seeing new places, meeting new people, learning new things.
The smell of my mum's moisturiser (it makes me feel like a young child again, and safe).
Having my hair stroked (as above).
Family. When we are getting on.
The smell of horses.
Chocolate.
Walking round the lanes and footpaths near my house, appreciating the beauty of Devon.
Penguins. They make me laugh.

I think that will do for now. I don't want to go overboard on all this soppiness... though I probably already have! Sorry! xxx

Upon the subject of nothing...

Another day of nothingness, so another day of nothing to write in a blog. Today I am feeling... blurgh. I think that best describes it... it's not positive, but it doesn't mean it's negative either. It just is. I just am.

Having seeked advice as to what I should write about in today's blog, the answer I was given was the rather philosophical 'who knows'. Taken in a literal way, this statement, or question rather, is intriguing. It does not define what it is that is known, and there does not seem to be an apparent answer. I don't know who, as otherwise I would not ask the question. Evidently you don't know who, or you would have told me already. Who indeed, does know.

I know I'm not making sense any longer, but I had very little sleep last night, and this is an act of desperation to try and fill out an empty space when all I have to fill it with is, well, nothing.

That is my problem... nothingness.

Goodnight, x

Rain

Today it finally DOWNPOURED after weeks of glorious sunshine and heat (okay, so it may have been mildly drizzly the last couple days, but not proper rain)... that being said, the weather had very little bearing on my activities today as they were all (other than swimming and ponies) indoor orientated.

There was the sleeping. Then after the sleeping came the MSNing, email checking and breakfast/lunch eating. Then came a little mess around on the keyboard (sorry... "Digital Piano"). Then (as we had the house to ourselves) watching television with Oscar (Top Cat, Jerry Springer and the Munsters... in that order). Then came some swimming. Then came the rain. Then came more 'piano', more internet (online games with oscar) and more food. Following from this was the return of mum and Kathy, the cooking of supper, and the putting of Oscar to bed. Then the eating of supper, and watching of television. Newspaper reading. Then clothes changing. Now this.

Wow. It's amazing how if you bulk it out nothing at all can seem like quite a lot. Interesting. x

A Longer Post

As somebody objected to the length of my previous post, I shall elaborate more upon what I said earlier. That, and I always intended to reblog- I just wasn't sure I would have time/energy to do...

Lots and lots and lots has happened since I last properly posted. So much I can't even remember it all. Here is a brief rundown (as far as memory allows...) On Friday I made my way down (sideways really) to Norfolk and Meghan.. where I spent a very enjoyable couple of days eating ice cream, playing scrabble, making margheritas, shopping and watching (the, I now know, INCREDIBLE) Grey's Anatomy. Then, on Sunday, I made my way to London, and stayed the night with Ellie in Norbury. Where, incidentally, she lives. We watched films, ate more ice cream and drank vodka. Fun, fun, fun. On Monday I crossed London (having stopped in Croydon to see 'The Break Up' with Ellie- a bit of a stupid ending, I thought) (the film, not the weekend)... to Chiswick where my Aunt Sue now lives, and we went for a meal and had a good catch up which was very nice.

On Tuesday I returned to Devon. Here I have spent my time doing 'house stuff' like walking dogs, and entertaining a 'now on holiday' Oscar, and cooking... and swimming, watching Grey's Anatomy series 2 (thanks Meg!) and erm... no that's about it.

Sadly, I won't be off again tomorrow to Chester to see Tim and Ditt, and Tim's friend Ruth, as I, and my babysitting skills are needed here... Oh well. Such is life.

I'm in a weird positive isn't the world a really crap place to live mood. Strange

That's all folks, xxx

I'm back...

boo.

Muddled

I can't decide how I feel today, it could be... happy, sad, sorry, tired, content, excited, anxious, sick, worried, sleepy, warm, peaceful, cross, jealous, upset, lazy.

Maybe it is all of these things, I don't know.

Bye, x

That's better...

Hello people. Sorry I've been a bit of a misery guts recently... I promise to pull my self together, get my socks on, hang on in there and all those other cliche thingamajiggys. Thanks to all of you for being so nice to me. Anyway.. yes, so life is looking more positive... The sun is shining, I'm going away this weekend, I have the house to myself tonight, and there is a sale on at Monsoon. Hooray! xxx

Today...

Sorry.
Smile.
Stupid.

Sometimes life just makes you want to give up

Heartbreaking. Fuck.

Nothing much to say...

Just to make a change, eh? I thought, as I weirdly missed out posting yesterday, that I'd better do it now, in case life gets in the way again tonight. Only problem is, I've only been up for forty minutes or so, and in that time have only had time to have a shower and get dressed. Which doesn't exactly lead to an interesting description, or a readable blog.

So, what can I write about? I don't know... maybe you can use my lack of blog, as a space in which you can reflect upon stuff... or something. How does that sound?

Bye for now, xxx

"Swings and Roundabouts"

It's odd: the way that life works in 'swings and roundabouts'. How you can be up one minute, and down the next. On top of the world, only for life to firmly pull the carpet from underneath your feet. The last few days, and weeks really, have been very rollercoaster ride-ish: swinging from dizzying highs, falling to desperate lows. Today, though, I have decided that an optimistic view is the only one to take, so I will forget, for now, about my worries and woes, and concetrate for a minute upon what has happened today that is good, or great!

1) I spent a lovely day with my sister, Kathy, moseying around town
2) We went to the cinema, which is always fun
3) And saw Johnny Depp (on screen, not in person sadly!)... yay!
4) I (fingers crossed) extended my overdraft which should mean £500 more- woo!
5) While taking the dogs for a walk I was reminded just how brilliant and beautiful my home is
6) While putting Oscar to bed I was reminded just how brilliant and bright he is
7) I had a good philosophical discussion with my Mum and Aunt, which was nice
8) I bumped into an old friend in town, and she later called me and that was great!
9) We arranged to meet up next week, which is something to look forward to!

You see... without me even realising it, there is SO MUCH for me to be thankful for, and to smile about... It's not until you start to concentrate on the positive that you realise, no matter how down and out you are feeling, there is always, ALWAYS, something in life to smile about... and it doesn't matter how small it is, or how seemingly meaningless.
And after all, one of the best things about life is being able to smile.
Therefore.. everyone SMILE! I love you all, xxx
Even Johnny is smiling...

Picture post... sunny Devon!

My house, and garden... sadly the sunlight has made this picture gloomy. Oh, and that's Moley the dog in the foreground.
A castle/tower thing nearby... apparently you can get married there, which I think would be amazing! It's so pretty.

A view. Typical Devon. Lovely sunny day too! My house is in there somewhere... you can just see the rooftop I think!
And, erm... another view.

Now you see why I love this green and pleasant land.
Especially when the weather is great! Love, xxx

Oops

Haven't posted for a while... don't know why, I've had time, and probably things to say, I just haven't felt like it. Anyway, I'm posting now... how are you all?

I can't be bothered to write down the ins and outs of the last few days to you all... suffice to say there is lots of family stuff going on at the moment, and I am spending a lot of time thinking about things.

Durham seems a million miles away now. Like I never was there, like I'll never return.

Anyway, I'll probably post more tomorrow, love etc xxx

Ma famille

My family. An odd bunch, but I love 'em.

Today is my Dad's 50th birthday. Goodness knows how he has made it to 50, but he has, and I am thankful. Anyway, so, on account of it being his birthday, and just because it is something that we really should do more often, we phoned him. I haven't spoken to him since christmas, which makes me feel really bad.. because I am lucky that he is alive, and so I feel I should strive more to get to know him. The thing is, I am selfish, in that the awkwardness and the enormity of it all scare me. So I don't. Which is really bad. Therefore, I resolve to get over this and (Tim will like this) do more often 'one thing that scares' me.

Also today, I went along to Oscar's sports day. It was really sweet to see all these little kids working together in teams to complete each task (rather than traditional high jump etc they had team orientated things, and did things together...), the older ones taking charge, and looking after the younger ones. It was so good to see (and now I'm going to sound old) youthful innocence and eagerness and simplicity. It is nice to think back to that time when we were young, and although we didn't appreciate it at the time, life was so much less complicated, and we weren't made cynical by the world around us, or by experience.

Having said that, we must all grow up... we must all leave behind the relative cocoon that is childhood and embrace the freedom and the responsibility that comes with adulthood. I just think that sometimes, we should remember childhood... be thankful for how far we have come, thankful for the time we have left, for the opportunities that have arisen, and will continue to do so, and for the lessons we have learnt.

There you go... I guess you could say that the oldest male and the youngest male in my family have both taught me lessons today, and given me something to think about. Which is good, because I like to think.

Love you all, xxx

4th July

Today is independence day in the U.S.

What does independence mean... not on a country, governmental scale.. but a personal scale... to the individual.

On the one hand I suppose it means the freedom to choose, taking control of your own life and being responsible for making decisions. The dictionary definition is 'freedom from control or influence of another or others '.

I guess what it really means is that you start having to be fully accountable for your actions, your behaviour. You are responsible for yourself, and for the things you do. There is no point laying blame upon someone else, because ultimately you are your own judge and jury.

Therefore, I apologise. I am very sorry.

Thoughts etc

It is days like today that help me believe in the presence of a 'higher power', an 'eternal lifeforce'... in God. I started the day at 5am watching nature's brute force in a fierce and explosive thunderstorm. With each blinding flash of lightning, and each deafening roar of thunder, I was reminded of my insignificance, my mortality... and the extraordinary power of the earth, the weather and all these other things over which we have no control.

Another thing today has been the strength and incredible bond that a family can share in the face of adversity... whether that be finding something to smile about, together, in the face of devestation, poverty or tragedy... or on a simpler scale, such as today. My Granny, who is not well or strong, has made a difficult and heart-rending journey from the house she has lived in for the past 39 years, to a home nearer to us, down in Torquay (50 mins away). I cannot even begin to imagine the pain she is feeling (leaving behind so many of her posessions, memories... and her last link to her husband, my grandfather). All that I can do is my very best to be there for her, for my mum and my Aunt, as they work to make this transition as smooth as is possible. Today I watched as my family rallied round, helped one another and generally stuck together- through, and despite, all the minor grievances and annoyances we can only expect with a family of an age range from 6 to 84. I love my family... and hope that I will always be there for them when they need me.

Thirdly, today I have spent quite a good deal of my time outside, 'with nature' if you like, just listening to its sounds, and observing its obscurities. I really feel in awe of the intricate workings of life. I feel connected to it all too... through my very being alive, living upon this planet, breathing the same air as, and affecting, in my own way, everything. I am... just through being here, either as observer or through action... part of it; past, present and future.

It is astounding, and I love it. And I am thankfull for it all.

Love, xxx

P.S. Sorry to make you read all that ramble... feel free to hit me... I probably don't even make any sense... was just feeling pondersome.

Scary watermen, sunshine and stuff...

Hello! Today has been another busy day. There was another (painful) 7am start, followed by more house tidying, more clothes washing and more job searching.

About halfway through the day I had a bit of a scary encounter with some (as dubbed by Tim) 'very rubbish watermen'. I heard some bustling about outside the back of the house, and went through to the back door to find two, scruffy looking men there, with the outside tap running. Needless to say, I asked who they were, and one of them said 'I'm Jamie'. As if that would explain everything. After a bit of banter, he finally said the he was from the waterboard, come to check our water supply. Then he said 'But we don't have any I.D. Maybe we are really gypsies come to keep you occupied at the door whilst we rob you.' Needless to say I was a little scared. But, they insisted, regardless of their lack of identification, and lack of a van (or from what I could see any form of transport), that they were from the waterboard. This kind of made sense, as our water has been off for the last few days during the day. But still odd. Particularly when one of them asked me if I wanted to buy some lucky heather off him. As well as the fact that they had just turned up in my back garden. Anyway... they left, and after a brief chat with my nearest neighbour, and with Tim, I decided that these men had not been scary or any sort of a threat. Just really 'very rubbish watermen'.

What else happened today? Nothing really of huge interest... I have been very mumsy today, looking after Oscar and cooking suppers and stuff. Quite fun really.

Anyway, love to all, and I guess just remember not to take things, situations or people at face value. xxx

ARGH! I forgot the title. This will have to suffice!

Today has been an even busier day... it began at 7am, which was not pleasant... with me having to get the boys (Adam and Oscar) up and ready for school... trust me, trying to activate a teenage boy and a sleepy six year old when you yourself want to crawl into a corner and snore away into eternity is not fun (Note: I do not actually, to my knowledge, snore... I was simply using at a plot device to jazz up the sentence). Anyway. This done, I pottered round the house, fed the dogs, cleared and cleaned dishes and dishwashers, put clothes in the wash, made beds, re-arranged a room, watered plants, walked dogs, checked ponies, watched wimbledon, watched film... by which time Adam arrived home from school and we continued re-arranging Oscar's and my bedroom.. which involved taking hundreds of books of a bookshelf, moving the shelf, then replacing the books. Then Oscar got home, and I cooked supper for him, and fed him. Then I cooked for Adam and myself, and ate (the supper, unsurprisingly). Then Kathy arrived home from College for the holidays. So I cooked supper for her. Then I watched some of the Andy Murray wimbledon match, whilst getting Oscar into his pyjamas. Then I put Oscar to bed. Then I watched more wimbledon. Then I came online, and here we are. Phew. Exhausting!

Ooooh... I also got my exam results today... Wooooo! 63% average. I am very pleased. Particularly at not having to do resits! Yay!

What else happened today... Oh yes. I turned into a mint. Courtesy of toothpaste, mint-scented shampoo and some scary little green men (which may or may not have been in my imagination) I am now a bonafide, glorified and petrified mint. Not a Polo though, far too traumatic.

I think that is all. Love etc, xxx (which, by the way, as expressed by some of my friends, is not my way of telling you all I've gone into the porn industry, okay! They are just kisses!)

P.S. Also today made more progression with 'Pigeons for scarves' campaign, with the President of the group sending a letter to the LTA with regards to their reckless treatment of the pigeons at Wimbledon, namely Michael and Archibald. Hear, hear! Coo, Coo!

Hello, hello, hello

Hello world.

Today has been, although with a lazy, yet lovely, 12 o'clock start, busy and bustling. Once up, I spent time tidying my room, tidying the house, talking to my mum about her career, looking online with a view to beginning my career (that sounds so high and mighty, when really I've been scouring the internet for whatever measly job and pay I can find!) , phoning people, cooking supper (sorry- Tea!), putting Oscar to bed, watching a film with Adam and walking the dogs. Oh, and watching Wimbledon of course, and doing more sudoku/crosswords.

Now I put it all down, it seems minimal and not very exciting, but it has been a busy day! I expect the next couple of days to be even busier, as my day begins at 7am... getting my brothers ready for school, seeing them off, tidying the house, cooking, cleaning etc, etc.

I'm quite enjoying being so busy though... I have been finding empty days a bit tiring! Odd, I know, but oh well!

Anyway, I'll leave you now, love and all... xxx

Wimbledon etc.

Helloooo

Today has been beautifully lazy. I had my first lie-in of the holiday, not waking up until 12, and then lounging around till' 3 reading and talking to people online etc. Good fun, good fun. When I eventually got dressed, I watched Henman play in Wimbledon on telly, whilst doing some crosswords and a sudoku. What a wonderful life, and all that jazz. After this, I sorted out my (and Oscar's) room a bit, washed dishes and clothes and was generally house-wifey. This afternoon, once Oscar and Adam had returned from school, I watched Wimbledon some more (Andy Murray...), did a wordsearch with Oscar, cooked supper (steak and roasted veg. couscous) and put Oscar to bed. He is reading (well, being read) Enid Blyton at the moment... which is fab! Takes me back a bit... and makes me feel very old. Perhaps because I am old.

Anyway, I feel that this post has been really badly written, and I do apologise, but I am having to do it quickly as my battery is about to run out on the laptop. Therefore, I shall bid you adieu...

Byee xxx

Monday brings the rain

Today it has been raining. Lots and lots and lots. Whatever delusions I had about 'sunny, sunny Devon' are well and truly shot down. But oh well... hopefully the sun will return sometime soon. Preferably before I go back to Durham.

Today I have been out of the house and down in Torquay/Totnes looking round old people's homes with my mum, aunt and uncle for my Grandma. It was sad, thinking about the fact that she will have to leave her house of 40 years, and a town she has lived in for even longer. But, there is no-one near her anymore to visit regularly, and there is no way she can look after herself. So this is the best option, and the home we decided on is really lovely. Kind of feels like a pensioner Thid Floor... with a huge common room, and slightly better food! And a cat called 'the boss'. Hmmn, anyway. That's what I did with my day. We also stopped for a very nice pub lunch which was very good. Yum yum.

Also on the note of food, I just munched my way through a packet of skittles and a snickers. Oh dear oh dear. Oh well...

Now I am off to make a cup of tea, I think, and maybe do a crossword. My life is such an exciting rollercoaster. I just don't know how I cope... hahaha.

Hope all are well and safe and enjoyed their first days at work/looking for work/avoiding work etc. xxx

Back Home... for THREE MONTHS? Noooo... not possible

Well. Yesterday was a day of endings.

No more Thid Floor. No more Andy or the other finalists. No more college tea. No more hash browns. No more quick trips to the bar, the shop, Tees Lawn.

It is sad. But progressive... we are moving on to the next stage of our lives... and although it will be very different, in my optimistic view on life, I believe that it will be just as good, if not better than last year.

There is a lot to look forward to, and a lot to be thankful for. Thank you ALL for such a fantastic first experience of University life... it has truly been the best year of my life, and it's down to you guys! Thank you, thank you!

I'm gonna sign off now, but I will no doubt be blogging regularly...

So see you soon! Love you all, stay safe... xxx

Ground control to Major Tom...

This is an update.

There... happy now?

xxx

Summertime... and the living is easy

Sun is shining. Weather is sweet.
Feeling hot, hot, hot.
Sunshine through my window.

I love this weather.

I love no exams.

I love girly nights... chocolate fondue, alcohol, music, films, laughter, singing, frisbee and boppit. Does it get any better? Yes... there was pizza too!

xxx

Grrrr

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

ARGH! Arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Grrr.

Exams are over! (Until August, at least...)

Well... there we go... as far as exams are concerned, I am done, done, done! And I couldn't be happier. The exam season ended at 10.30 today, following my Psych2 exam, which went okay as well, I think... a nice end to a stressful time. Now I look forward to fun, sun, dancing, drinking, friends, barbeques and lots of sleeping. I might read a book or two as well. Luxury.

There is nothing like it... I have nothing to do for the next FOUR MONTHS. I suppose I'd better get a job, but for now I am just going to love life. Yay!

I am in a very positive mood today. Good luck everyone who still has exams... don't worry, you too can soon join me on the other side!

Love etc xxx

Positivity

It's Monday. It's raining. It's 09:22, and I've overslept. I have lots of revision to do for my exam. My foot hurts, and a bad song just came on i-tunes. Despite all this, I am feeling in a rather positive mood at the moment. I don't know why, and I don't think I should question. Just be content with my contentment. It's nice, and I can't wait for exams to finish for everyone so we can get to having fun, fun, fun. It will be great.

There's a lot to look forward to in life.

So... eyes front, head straight, and carry on your way.

xxx

Odd Mood, sorry folks!

Mmmmn... pizza.

Zzzzzzz... revision.

Grrrrrr... rain.

Woooo... next Wednesday.

Hahaha... just because.

There. Life. Living it.

xxx

One more to go!

Well I've done four exams now... three went ok, one, not so good... but let's not dwell on it! Now I only have one more to do, and that's not 'till next Wednesday, so yay!

Am thoroughly looking forward to spending my time asleep, having fun, being with friends and doing nothing! It will be brilliant.

Good luck to you all who still have exams, and remember...

I don't know, stuff.

Bye xxx

Hooray!

Today I have done both an English exam, and an Anthropology exam... both of which I was STRESSED about

So... YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!

I'm a happy bunny now... but SO not in the mood for more revision. But revise we must,

Bye bye poppets xxx

Revision? No. Learning for the first time? Oh yeah... with bells on!

Everybody gape in awe... for the revision process has FINALLY begun! Hurrah! Hurrah!

Also, I haven't drunk anything alcoholic since Sunday... Hurrah! Hurrah!

Urm. Nothing else to report... my life is so damn uneventful... I ought to go out and make things happen! But, I'm too tired, and I have a 9am lecture that I plant to attend tomorrow, so I'll be signing off now... love ya! xxx

To use a very overused word...

Meh.

Sorry. But that's about it.

xx

Panic stations!

Okay, so as far as the up and coming exams go.... I'm screwed. I am very, very worried at this point. And I have a summative practical to write up. And another class test on Monday. I don't know what I'm doing, where to begin, how to begin... and worst of all I can't seem to find any real motivation to crack on with it. Everytime I think about exams I get panicky, so I don't think about them... hence I haven't started revision yet. But that makes me panic more. Which makes it harder still for me to get on with it. Its a neverending spiral, and I guess I'm just going to have to take a deep breath, rouse my self up and GET ON WITH IT.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarggghhhhhhhhh...

And I've had enough of the alcohol too... I can't keep hiding behind it.

So today is Monday, we'll see how it goes. Love etc, xxx

Today, briefly

Wake, dress, migraine, ouch, Katie, sleep, lunch, south park, sleep, work, internet, talk, Amy, Emma, Katie, baaars, alcohol, pizza, film, talk, MSN.... bed???

Maybe.

xxx

Saturday morning

Quickly, quickly, as it's brunch in 8 minutes, and I am sooooooo hungry..

Just to say hello... not a lot to tell anyone... tonnes of work and revision, that I haven't done. At the moment I'm working on a 'denial is the best policy' idea. It's going pretty well.

Hope everyone is well etc etc

Byee xx

update update update

This is an update

I love formals
I love you all

I don't like cream

Especially in jugfulls.

Enough said. xxx

Vicky

My Name is Vicky and I am nice! I have a very good friend who is fantastic called Emma!

Sorry its such a long one folks!

Well today has been very long, for some reason or other... possibly because I've done quite a lot...

This morning I went into Exeter (well, Sowton, which is an industrial estate just outside of Exeter) to get my camera exchanged, as it was broken... having been told to do so by the camera repair people affiliated with PC World, where the camera was bought. However, when I got to the store, I was told I was wrong and would have to go home and phone up the repair people again and go through lots of hassle to get my camera fixed. But, I was feeling a little under the weather this morning, and a little stressy, so I didn't take no for an answer, and basically told John (the PC World man) that he should phone up the people I spoke to because they had told me something different. He did this (he's bright, is John, knows not to mess with an irritable woman)... and after a while, admitted that PC World has not updated their policy thingy-majig and that I WAS RIGHT! Hurrah... so after a bit more hassle, and a quick re-route to Tesco's opposite for sustainance (in the shape of a doughnut) whilst waiting for my mum to come and sign the new direct debit agreement thingy, I am now the proud owner of a brand new Olympus camera! Yay!.... and it has 5 megapixels, instead of 4... so its even a bit of an upgrade! Wow.

After this, we drove into Exeter and went to a new 'Oriental fusion noodle bar', in which we shared a couple of massive bowls of noodle soup... which was yummy and very nice, especially as we very rarely ever eat out...

Then, my sister, brother (Adam, not Oscar) and I went to the cinema to see Scary Movie 4. If you look for real poignant, meaningful exchanges in a film, don't go and see this one. If you like a cheap laugh and a few grimaces, or Charlie Sheen, go ahead and see it. It was good crappy fun, and a nice excuse to spend time with my siblings! Afterwards we moseyed around the high street for a couple of hours, scouting for the best priced felt tip pens... (Bitz, £1)

Oh... and it was there that an awful thing happened... Tim you may want to look away now...
We were walking down the High St., which only buses are allowed to drive up and down. As we walked along, I spotted a pigeon in the middle of the road. Suddenly, I could no longer see pigeon, as a bus had gone over it!!! Luckily, the pigeon was between the wheels, not underneath them... all the same, we could hear flapping and see its wings being tossed and turned as the bus continued on above it... it was a horrible and sickening moment. Then suddenly, and to all our reliefs, the pigeon flew out from under the bus, and away up into the sky, seemingly completely unharmed. Phew. I do hope it is ok, and that it is not too traumatised by its near death experience. Tim you can look back now...

Anyway, that was the general outline of my day... the evening has been spent chatting with my family, and watching a film together (Hitch), which was nice.. now I'm going to go and process some photos! Wooo! Then tomorrow is my last full day at home...which is weird, I kind of don't want it to be, but then in many other ways am very glad it is! Odd, huh, but there you go, that is me! Love and all, don't go getting run over by any buses, and if you must do, make sure you can fly out from underneath afterwards! xxx

Tick-tock goes the clock and still I've done no work

Today I have been attempting to do some work.. boring, yucky statistics no less. But then first of all I thought I hadn't emailed myself the right data, and so redid my T-tests, no easy feat, only to find I did have them, they were just hiding. Then I was distracted by various family goings on. And MSN. In the end it hasn't been that productive a day. And we're heading back to Durham this weekend, I'm out tomorrow, and my Aunt (not the Aussie one) is coming to visit on Friday. Oh well. We can but try, and at least I can say I tried now. Just as I am trying to struggle through Robinson Crusoe, but it really must be the most boring book ever written. For real. And I have to read it for my English elective. Yuckety yuck.

I really ought to take the dogs for a walk, but I'm feeling incredibly lazy. Low in energy and under the weather generally actually, which I'm sure is probably lack of sleep, and I have (under mum's instruction) taken a multivitamin. Apparently that'll work wonders. We shall see. Maybe a swig of wine will help...

In other news, I have come to the realisation that there only a few instances in life when butter is acceptable...
1) On toasted hot cross bun/crumpet
2) On jacket potatoes
3) On Marmite toast (only marmite, occasionally honey, but generally not)
4) In the making of a cake, or something, or bread, if its needed... but I'm not sure this counts, as you can't tell that there is butter in them.

Never put butter in a sandwich. Never. There you go, my butter rules. I'm all hungry for toast and cakes and tea now (I know I didn't mention tea before, but it goes with the toast...)

Anyways, my sweets and pumpkins (see... food orientated terms of endearment) I shall talk to you all shortly, and see some of you very soon. How utterly thrilling, stay safe, love to all, xxx

Is the heart fonder? Should I make the break longer?

Well, after having been away for a while, courtesy of Easter trips to my Gran's house down in Buckinghamshire, I have now returned. I hope everyone's Easters have been good fun. Mine certainly was... though things were a bit tense on the Grandma side of things (weird, I never call her Grandma...) what with her being very irritable and not getting along with her carers, it was VERY good to catch up with my Aunt Lizzie and Uncle John, whom I have not seen for years because they live in Australia, or are forever travelling (they go to Cuba on Thursday... lucky ducks!.... my relatives are not ACTUALLY ducks by the way...I promise!). Anyway, it was really good to bond with them... even staying up until 5.30am on Saturday night/Sunday morning, just talking, reminiscing and opening up... it was very cool. So I've had a good Easter.

Since returning I have been on a very long dog walk, which was fantastic, and I have worried about the work I haven't done, because we are returning to Durham on Sunday, I'm leaving on Saturday (staying with Emma in Darlington, yay!) and I've done pretty much nothing. Oh dear. Oops indeed.

In other news, I can't type for toffee... its taken me ages to write this what with all the having to go back to correct mistakes, so I shall leave you now. Hope you are all well, and stay safe, love xxx

Four days without the internet... will I cope?

Hmmmn... today I have hardly been online at all (I only signed in at 10pm)... but now, there is no-one online, and I've just realised I won't have access to the internet until the end of next Monday! That is a veritable AGE away! Will I cope... we shall see... I am going to my Granny's house for Easter (she lives miles away down near London), and there is nothing to do there. And that is an understatement. It should be thrilling. Though it does mean I get to see my Auntie Lizzie who I haven't seen for a few years, as she lives a while away in Australia! That'll be good, and maybe I can use the opportunity to do some revision... we shall see.

In other news, I rather shockingly didn't get up until 3.30pm today. I know, right. In my defence, I did actually wake up at 1.30pm, and I didn't go to sleep until 5.30am... I was working until 4.30am, and then I read for a while... which is also what I did between 1.30 and 3.30. There you go.. fascinating stuff...

What else has been happening in this short day? When I came downstairs the house was bereft of people other than Adam, and then 'Daniel the Computer Man' turned up to install Mum's new work computer... he was a barrel of laughs... I particularly liked the bit where he was on the phone to his work colleague, shouting, then slammed the phone down and swore quite crudely. The 'F' word was involved. I know I swear, so I can't really complain, but its a bit much when you've only just got up (Adam felt the same, he got up at 3pm) and this man is a complete stranger.

I don't think anything else much interesting has happened today... on the work front (non-Uni stuff).. all is coming along quite well.. I've now processed nearly 2000 photos, and earnt nearly £300, so yay! It'll help with the dreaded overdraft anyway!

Now my dearies I must toodle off, I won't be posting in the next few days, so enjoy them and adieu! Love to all, stay safe and wear sunscreen! xxxxx

Pretty Fly For A White Guy... and Teddy Torturers...

Well this evening has been very interesting, in that I have recieved conformation, hard evidence for the fact that I, and my family... are utterly insane... There are two stories that prove this...
1) The first story involves me, my brother Adam and my Sister Kathy way back when... I was 6, Adam, 2, and Kathy, 8. The scene is our house in London, the kitchen. My mum and dad are having a party of some sorts at the weekend, the first guests arrive early afternoon. What are we doing? We are hanging our teddies... and I mean full scale, proper hanging... apparently we had tied string around the necks of our bears, and had hung them from the kitchen drawers, with stools underneath them to be kicked out when the time came. Oh dear... I don't remember such a disturbing, cruel event ever happening, but my Mum assures me that it did... how weird were we!
2) The second story involves my brother Adam, when he was about 10... he was at home alone, and, weirdly, decided that he was going to pretend to be a fly. Remember, he was completely alone in the house. He took up a piece of tubing, that was part of a swimming pool toy, and began sucking things up through it... hmmmn, odd in itself, but there's more... In the kitchen at the time were a pair of Antique French scales, which came with metal weights, ranging from 2Kg to 10g... Adam decided it would be a good idea to see if he could pick them up, as a fly, using the tube... and proceded to swallow the smallest of the weights! When recounting this story this evening, he simply said 'Like that time I ate one of mum's weights, when pretending to be a fly'. Weird. To the max.

Like I said, my family is crazy, and that's without even talking about my dad...

Otherwise today has been okay... done a bit of work, played Simpson's monopoly and been chatting with the family.

Finally, Happy Birthday Timbopolous! I hope the next year brings you all that you want it to!

Love to all, stay safe, xxx

P.S. Please, no-one tell the men in orange coats where I live...

Goodbye Ruby Tuesday! Hello Chief Randy Person...

Who was Ruby Tuesday, and what did she do. If you want to know who Chief Randy Person is, go here...http://www.ci.xenia.oh.us/police/default.htm yes, he actually exists!

My day today has been seemingly uneventful. I managed to get my ass off the computer, into the conservatory, and reading some anthropology lecture notes (my eyes did the reading though, not my ass).. it worked for a little while, but errrr not as successful as I'd hoped. Oh well, we can but try, and trying I have done now. Guilt free and glorious!

In other news, I've spent a lot of time helping my Mum work out how to batch process files in Photoshop CS2, so that they are 'web ready', lots and lots of fun. Also been entertaining my sister and her friend.

Sadly, a walk looks unlikely today due to some very crappy weather, and I'm feeling quite cold... despite the fact that we got the Aga fixed! Yay! Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay!

That's enough for now, love etc xxx

OOPS!

I logged on today, only to realise that I never posted yesterday!!! I am SO sorry everyone, or at least I am sorry for myself, as I didn't want to miss a day, and all yesterday I was like 'Shall I go blog now' and thought 'No, I'll do it later'. Apparently later never happened!!!

Yesterday was a really good Sunday (as Sundays go), spent the day doing some work, talking to my Mum, playing with Oscar and cooking Tea... in the evening we settled down in front of Pride and Prejudice.... Matthew Macfadyen as Mr Darcy... very moody, but very nice! Still, doesn't quite match up to Colin Firth and his wet shirt...

Today looks to be quite an exciting day, as we are going en famille to the cinema to see Ice Age 2, which, sadly, I am really looking forward to! Also, Oscar's dad is coming to pick him up to take him for the holidays, which, although I love Oscar dearly, will mean a bit more freedom etc, as dont have to think about bedtimes, and children's food, and endless games of 'build a traintrack' and 'make a den'! Hmmn, now I think about it I'm gonna miss that actually! And being woken up by him each morning with a kiss on the cheek... which though tiring, as Tim pointed out, is rather cute...

I've just realised I've written another long blog... Sorry! I do apologise, though TO BE FAIR, I didn't say you HAD to read all the way to the bottom.

Thought for the day (stealing Tim's thing for a minute here): Appreciate your siblings, for of all the people in the world, they will know you best, as you have known them since they/you were born...grown up with them...and although they can be terrible enemies, they can be the best allies.

Love etc, stay safe all xxx

A fond farewell...

Well, today a VERY exciting thing happened...


I had my hair cut! Now to the ordinary person, this may not sound so extraordinary... but for those of you who don't know me, my hair was (WAS!) very, very long (over half way down my back)... and I hadn't been to the hairdresser's for at least 2 years. So you can imagine it was quite an ordeal, hence I've been putting off going. To cut a long story short (pun not intended), my hair is now just below shoulder length, though shorter round the face, and with shorter layers in... my head feels very light! I am happy, though, with the result, as I had really begun to dislike my hair in recent weeks.

I also rewarded myself (I don't know what for) with some retail therapy today, buying a couple of vest tops, a skirt and the new Pride and Prejudice film on DVD. Fabulous.

All in all it's been a very, very nice day! Though I didn't get to walk the dogs, which was strange, as I've done that pretty much daily since I got back.. however, I'm sure trekking up and down Exeter High St. has given me the same amount of excercise, I just feel sorry for the dogs... there is always tomorrow though...

Enough for now, love and all, stay safe sweeties! xxx

Bonjour

Due to a number of complaints about the excessive length of my blog, I shall keep this as short as possible. That, and I have nothing much to say.
Sorry to all who I bore with my extensive babbling.
Haven't done a lot today... wasted a lot of time on ebay... grrrr, I wish I'd never been introduced! It seriously is a black hole for time. Anyway, I'll leave you all to it, bye bye x

Live, Love, Laugh, Liquor.

There... I can do alliteration too, till the cows come home and beyond. I am sure I had an awful lot to write about today, but I just cannot, for all the life in me, remember what. Oh well, I shall just have to bore you with more of my incessant babble. Sorry guys! I overslept this morning, which was a bit annoying, as I lost a whole hours potential working time! Also, when I did get up, at 10.30, and had a shower, I discovered that our shower knob is broken... you can turn it on okay, but once its on (and at an almost unbearably scalding temperature) you can't turn it off, the knob just comes off. Oh dear. Then I discovered the pliers... yes people, I had to use pliers to turn off the shower. Seriously, what with no Aga, no water between the hours of 9 and 4, and no working shower, I begin to worry about the state of my house. The car too, has to go to the Garage tomorrow as it's broken. Its not good, people, not good at all!

I went for a lovely walk today. I know I go for a walk everyday, but today was special... I went unusually late, and went a different route to normal. This really paid off, as on my way I got to see a beautiful late evening golden sun, deer, and buzzards. Fantastic! Sometimes I really love living in the countryside.

I'm sure I had some interesting and poignant thoughts to discuss in todays blog, but sadly my memory fails me... It's strange that... it always used to be long term memory I had the problem with, whole chunks of my childhood missing... but then I probably just didn't want to remember them. As I grow older, I remember more of my history, but less of my immediate past...

Strange. But then that's exactly what I am.

That's enough for today, bye bye my dears, stay safe, love to one and all, xxx

I've got a brand new pair of rollerskates... you've got a brand new key...

Hello people, animals and aliens... well today started off well on the work front... I was up at 9.30, and after breakfasting and tidying and general greeting of the day, I got down to work by about 10.30... not revision, mind, but work all the same. This lasted well, until about 1.30 when my mum arrived back, and my sister finished the film she was watching. I stopped work and we had lunch together, which was nice... at about 3.30 maybe I got back on the computer to do some more work, sadly though, by that time, MSN had found me, and I didn't get much done! Then my brothers came home from school, and it's all been downhill from there on the work front. Has been a good evening though, family-wise... though we had a rather morbid discussion over tea about what songs we would want to be played at our funerals... I still can't decide! Anyway, I just thought I'd do this quickly, I'm about to go and read my little brother a story and put him to bed (very late, I know!).

Just one quick, teensy weensy thought... What is the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning? Most likely it will be one of the following;
a) What you have to do that day
b) I wish I was still asleep, or some other such complaint
c) An anxiety/worry in your life
How often do we wake up and think... wow! I'm alive... and the sun has risen for another day. I am so lucky! Because no matter how big or small my problems... I am alive, and I have the capacity to feel, to love, to laugh, to cry, to smile, to be moved, and to move other people.

Isn't that great? Shouldn't we be thankful?

Hope you're all safe and well, love etc xxx

Tuesday beckons...

Today I fully intended to get up early, and continue with my work. It almost worked. Almost. I was actually awake at 8am, when my mum came in looking for some school trousers for Oscar. Aha! I thought... I'll sleep for another 90 minutes or so, then I shall get up and be saintly and studious. Alas, dear readers, 'twas not to be for, despite my having set my alarm clock... I promptly fell asleep and did not wake up again until 10.30! This, however, I still considered to be early enough, so I lugged myself out of bed and into the shower. Then I went back to bed with a book.. supposedly just for a few minutes... well a few turned into ten, which turned into an hour. Consequently, I wasn't properly up until 11.30, and all my hopes and dreams of an early arisal were quashed. I did get some work done, though... so I guess its okay. Anyway, this was just a little post to say 'Hi', and I hope you are all well...

Wish me luck, I am about to be taught the finer points of using Adobe Photoshop CS2... it sounds like a lot of...err.. fun! After that I shall commence the usual dog walk/kitchen cleaning affair...

Oh no... wait! I just remembered... I can't wash up in the kitchen as dun, dun, dun.. we have NO water... apparently South West Water are doing work down the road, and so we don't have water today... until this evening. And there is a distinct possibility that this will be the case for the next two weeks. Yay! Remind me to fill the kettle with water before I go to bed... Hmmmn.. reminds me of Legionairre's all over again! Remember those wondrous times? Oh, thats why there's a picture of water droplets, in case you were wondering...

Bye bye my dears, stay safe xxx

Is it really Monday?

Well today I found my halo, gave it a bit of a polish, got up early and did lots of work! Hurrah! And no, I'm not ill... technically I am only catching up on the work that should have been done WEEKS ago... Oh well, better late than never, ey? What else did I do today... the usual, walked dogs, cleaned house, watered plants, cooked tea etc.

I do have a little story to tell you all... this is about some very hardy goldfish... About 9 or 10 years ago, my mum and Mark (my (now ex) stepfather) went to a ball... on the tables there, as decoration, were (live) goldfish (I know). Anyway, feeling sorry for them, Mum and Mark rescued four of these goldfish and brought them back to our house in London. There the goldfish remained happy, until we moved house in 1997. Then, they were transported on the 4 1/2 hour journey from London to Devon... in an old orange squash bottle. Miraculously they survived. Even more miraculously, despite periods of definite neglect in terms of tank cleanliness... they lasted out the course at Kettlehouse (our first home in Devon). When we built on in 2000, a lake was built in the garden (goodness knows why... the diggerman just decided it would be fun one afternoon, I think.. that's Devon for you). Anyway, a while after this (huge) lake had been built, we decided to release the goldfish in it. Now until today, we had never thought those four little goldfish (Luke, Mary, John and Angelica) could possibly survived... then my Mum goes to visit the people who now live in our house, as Oscar had been there, playing with their daughter. The current owners inform her, not only have the goldfish survived... they have multiplied! There are now 13 goldfish! If that isn't an amazing story of survival, I don't know what is!

Sorry to bore you all with that folks! Hope you're all well, stay safe, love etc xxx

Salute, mea columba!

Check out that latin there... you see, I DO have class! For those of you who really want to know, it translates as 'Greetings, my dove!' (apparently a common Roman term of endearment). Anyway, I hope your Sundays are treating you with laziness, good food and little or no work. I haven't done any work today at all... but I have been helping my mum sort out a technical problem involving her camera and her computer and Adobe Photoshop. Tis all sorted now though, so worry not! I also helped cook the Sunday lunch (roast chicken, yum yum) and spent a large part of the morning attempting to sleep whilst Oscar (the 5yr old brother) amazingly noisily moved round all the furniture in our (grimace) shared bedroom (I know, I'm 19 and sharing with a 5yr old!), whilst trying to locate his toy dog, Toby. Its okay... after a few hours (between 7am and 9am ish) I managed to decipher, from all his shouting to my mother (who was in bed in her room), that he was looking for Toby. I knew exactly where Toby was, as Osc had asked me the night before to look after him for the night... so he was snuggled up at the foot of my bed! Hrmmm. Not the best start to the day, but oh well!

In other news, as some of you may already have been told... I found out that I am, in fact, royalty. FACT. This was not an easy discovery to cope with, but I have quite well I feel. I found out very randomly... I just happened to be given a crown by Oscar that he had made, and when I put it on it just felt so right, I knew I must be royalty! That, and we all know I have all the qualities of royalty... so there you go! I'm not yet 100% sure of my title yet though. It'll come I'm sure... maybe I will get a letter, like Harry Potter did about his being a wizard? I think it's a possibility.

Yes. I am bored.

Gotta go put Osc to bed now, so I'll catch up with y'all laters, stay safe, love you! xxx

April Fool! No really, I am.

Well. Yesterday was the very first day that I have ever missed posting on my blog, and I am very, very sorry. I fully intended to post... but my evening did not go exactly to plan. I won't rant, and I won't dwell, however... and thank you to those of you for your kindness last night. All has returned to (relative) normality here, home on the range, and so, for now... I am ok once more. Enough said.

Want another installment on my mother's insanity (I won't go into last night, I shall stick to the amusing stories...) I believe I told you all of her impulse, drunken buy of a ukelele off ebay the other day. Well, it seems the sudden musical enthusiasm does not stop there. This morning she and my two brothers headed off into Exeter, supposedly to run errands, and to leave Adam in town with friends. However, one of these errands was to go to the Music Shop, and get a violin (owned by Adam, though I think it shall be passed on to Oscar) fixed. It just so happens that today the Music Shop in question was having a closing down sale. My mother saw this as an opportunity (no doubt with some help from my brothers) to stock up on musical instruments... a mini-acoustic guitar for Oscar, an electric mandolin and an electric guitar (Fender) with Amp, no less. Madness. Madness. Madness.

My house is now filled with the delightful sounds of a badly played electric guitar (to be fair to Adam, he can play a few chords, having taken recent interest in our acoustic guitar), my little brother is playing some awful game on the internet. My mother? She has driven off down the road to take photos of primroses. Yes, my family is utterly, inexplicably and completely insane. I begin to feel like the only sane one here, and we all know what a joke that is.

Anyway, my lovelies, I think that will be all for now.. I am terribly sorry to have missed a post, but believe me, there were mitigating circumstances.

I will catch up with y'all later, stay safe, love you all, xxx